Welcome to The Playroom—where I explore the emotions, themes, and lessons hidden in the songs we love, along with cultural moments that shape the world of music.

A year ago, I experienced a breakup that filled me with grief and a sense of ambiguous loss1. I mourned not just the relationship but the future I had imagined—a life that would never materialize with that person. I chose to end things because I didn't want to plant seeds in soil I knew wouldn't yield good fruit.

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Although leaving was my decision and a healthy choice, the pain and sadness weighed heavily on me, serving as a reminder that growth and self-love can also evoke difficult emotions that are complex and not always gentle or easy. To cope, I reached into my self-care bag of healing tools and found reprieve in Cleo Sol's Rose in the Dark.

Her 2020 album Rose in the Dark isn't just music—it's a meditation on healing, self-discovery, and learning to soften into life's transitions. With her warm, soothing vocals and introspective lyrics, Cleo Sol creates what feels like a psychologically safe space for anyone navigating the messiness of becoming, healing, and self-discovery.

As I was serenaded by the lyrics to the single Rose in the Dark, bopping my head and singing aloud, "It'll be alright," her words felt like a warm, tight hug I didn't know I needed. The song Rose in the Dark teaches us that life's rough patches can feel like endless, dark tunnels, and heartache has a way of blindsiding us. Yet Cleo Sol reminds us that there's beauty in learning how to grow and find ourselves again, even through challenging times.

Here are a few lessons Cleo Sol teaches us in Rose in the Dark.

1. Letting Go is Often the Path to Finding Yourself

Cleo Sol's lyrics in Rose in the Dark capture a universal truth: sometimes, we must walk away from something–or someone–to truly find ourselves. Growth carries deep grief because it involves not just adding new experiences but shedding old versions of ourselves. We often resist facing who we could become, even when our current self no longer serves us. Learning to trust yourself, let go of what no longer serves you, and embrace the unknown can be deeply uncomfortable but if we cling too tightly to relationships, expectations, or past mistakes, we remain stuck. Letting go isn't about failure–it's about making space for who we're becoming.

2. Forgiveness and Self-Compassion Are Critical for Healing

Then the light came, baby

Right after I forgave me

And I prayed so hard, I thought I'd lose my mind

After a mistake or a painful experience, it's easy to sink into self-blame and judgment. We replay what we could have done differently or berate ourselves for trusting the wrong person. This behavior is called self-criticism–the act of harshly evaluating ourselves–and it has never been proven to be an effective coping mechanism for overcoming mistakes.

Rose in the Dark reminds us that self-forgiveness is essential for healing, growth, and maturity. As humans, we're bound to make mistakes. Sometimes, we find ourselves caught in cycles of dysfunction, repeating patterns that lead to self-sabotage. Breaking free however, starts with forgiveness and self-compassion.

Dr. Kristin Neff's work on self-compassion2 highlights that when people are kinder to themselves, they are less likely to experience shame, anxiety or criticism, and they are more likely to experience an increased self-esteem and sense of resilience.

When learning to be kind to yourself, a simple but powerful practice is asking yourself, "What would I say to my younger self?" Then, speak those words to yourself. This exercise helps build self-compassion and creates space for growth.

Remember: Self-compassion isn't about ignoring mistakes—it's about acknowledging them without letting them define your worth. True self-love shows up in the way we talk to ourselves on hard days, the way we forgive our mistakes, and the grace we give ourselves as we heal.

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3. Things Can Actually Get Better

I'm a little stronger baby

Took a little longer, maybe

Tell my younger self to enjoy the ride

Do you know, do you know, do you know that things get better?

Do you know, do you know, do you know?

Cleo Sol challenges our inclination to self-deprecate3 and assume the worst by encouraging us to believe that things actually do get better. Growth and healing can be messy, hard, and complicated, but despite the storms, hardship, and adversity, it's possible that good things can happen. The peace, joy, and happiness you desire can materialize–but it may not come on your timeline.

It might take a little longer to get to where you're trying to go, but taking longer doesn't mean growth isn't happening along the way. Growth is an ongoing process, and Cleo Sol gently reminds us that the journey itself is worth embracing.

One powerful way to embrace this journey is by setting small, compassionate intentions that honor your healing process. Unlike concrete goals, intentions focus on how we choose to move through our days. For example, practicing self-compassion through intentions like "I will be kind to myself even though I made a mistake" can transform how we experience our growth.

Remember that growth isn't a destination but a way of being. Each day brings new opportunities to evolve, and just as Cleo Sol promises–things really do get better when we give ourselves the grace and time to bloom.

4. Growth Happens When You Honor What You Can't Control

Letting go isn't just a decision; it's a process. Even when we intellectually know something isn't right for us, emotions don't always follow logic. These lyrics capture the emotional weight of holding on:

Fighting's exhausting, baby.

Letting go isn't just about release–it's about acknowledging the toll that holding on has taken. The fight to keep something that's no longer serving us can be draining, leaving us emotionally depleted, angry and resentful. That's why grief, fear, and guilt often show up in the process:

• Grief – Even if something wasn't good for us, losing it still hurts.

• Fear – If we've built our identity around a relationship or role, who are we without it?

• Guilt – Walking away can bring up thoughts like Did I give up too soon? or What if I regret this?

When your life is breaking down and it's out of your control.

A big part of healing is learning to trust yourself–especially when life feels uncertain. There really is no true way to know what direction life will take you in, but there is peace in knowing you made a decision rooted in truth and one that aligns with your values and desires in life. Sometimes maturity looks like learning to make peace with the unknown and recognize that our strength isn't in controlling everything, but in choosing ourselves even when it's hard.

By releasing what's no longer meant for us, we don't just lose something–we gain clarity, self-trust, and a deeper connection to ourselves. As Cleo sings, we become softer, wiser, and a little more mature.

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5. Growth Also Happens in the Quiet and the Unseen

I had to grow the rose in the dark

Everybody sees you falling apart

In Rose in the Dark, Cleo Sol reminds us that growth often happens in the unseen, quiet spaces of our lives. Like a rose growing in darkness, our healing process doesn't need to be visible to others. You have the power to bloom, even in solitude. Proving yourself to others is not a part of your destiny.

Remember, you are allowed to make mistakes, to feel pain, and to rise from it. Each experience shapes you, making you wiser, stronger, and more compassionate. By learning to hold space for your pain and being patient with your growth, you'll find yourself blossoming in ways you never expected.

The Takeaway: Just Hold Out A Little Longer

Rose in The Dark reminds us that life's struggles can become opportunities for deeper self-awareness and becoming more self-attuned. This practice, known as cognitive reframing4, helps us view our experiences through a new lens.

Consider reflecting on your past year by asking: What wisdom have I gained from my experiences? How have these challenges shaped me for the better? Reframing shifts your inner dialogue from "I messed up" to "I learned something valuable." Perhaps your heartbreak revealed what you truly desire in a relationship, or a misstep helped define your boundaries. Every experience, including the painful ones, can illuminate who we are and who we're becoming.

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

PS: If you enjoyed reading this, pressing the heart button increases I’m So Mature’s visibility and helps us grow. Can you do me a favor and give it a tap (but only if you really mean it)?

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Welcome to The Playroom 🎶—where I explore the emotions, themes, and lessons hidden in the songs we love, along with cultural moments that shape the world of music.

Growing up in Queens, NYC, as a Panamanian meant that every summer, my childhood home was one of many on the block, throwing a backyard bashment. On Saturday nights, no one slept, and since this was pre-gentrification, nobody called the cops with noise complaints. We were all outside, living freely, swaying to Beres Hammond and flexing to Buju Banton, jamming until the wee hours of the morning. Then we'd do it all again the next weekend—and the weekend after that.

If you don't know what a backyard bashment is, it's a term associated with Jamaican dancehall culture that describes a lively party typically held in someone's backyard, where dancing is central to the experience because the music would be that good.

When my father died in 2009, everything changed, and those backyard bashments he hosted gradually faded away until they ceased entirely. Now, every time I open Spotify and hear songs like “I Feel Good” or "Rock Away" by Beres Hammond, I think about those warm summer nights when we danced until the sky turned a deep peach before darkness swept in. Our beds couldn't tempt us away—we just kept dancing until the sun peeked over the horizon.

Reminiscing through music remains one of the ways I keep my father's memory alive. I, too, like Beres, miss those weekends when we'd gather together, letting the healing rhythms of soca, reggae, calypso, and bachata touch our souls. It wasn't just a party but a cultural immersion that took us back to our roots.

Though these days belong to the past, there's something beautiful about how a song can transform your emotional state, regardless of when it was made. Music has this remarkable ability to stir emotions, evoke memories, and bring people together. Whether it's the soundtrack of your teenage years or a song that instantly transports you to a cherished moment—like my father and our backyard bashments—music's power reaches far beyond mere entertainment. It serves as a source of healing, nostalgia, and connection, offering a sanctuary for both mind and soul.

Let’s dive into how music influences our mental health, fosters community, and even shapes our neurological responses.

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Nostalgia: The Emotional Power of Old Songs

My friends and I love karaoke sessions, and when we gather together, everyone knows that my best friend and I will sing "The Boy Is Mine" by Monica & Brandy because what other timeless duet still hits this hard all these years later?

Whenever we sing it, it brings me back to when I was a kid, pretending to be Brandy while she pretended to be Monica, playfully bickering over an imaginary boy who wasn't worth the fight. It also makes me miss the '90s and all the things from my childhood: coming home from school eagerly waiting for an episode of Moesha to come on, waiting for the weekend so I could play Super Mario on my Nintendo, and having to blow into the cartridges whenever they malfunctioned, building up my Beanie Babies collection, and remembering to feed my Neopet—making me feel like a responsible child who knew how to take care of things outside of myself. Those were the days!

Much like rewatching old TV shows, listening to familiar songs taps into the psychological phenomenon of nostalgia. Nostalgia is more than a longing for the past—it’s a powerful emotional state that offers several mental health benefits:

• Boosting mood: Nostalgic songs often evoke positive memories, reminding us of meaningful moments and people in our lives. Studies have shown that revisiting these memories can increase feelings of happiness and reduce feelings of loneliness.

• Stimulating the brain: Familiar music activates the brain's reward system, lighting up areas associated with pleasure and memory. This explains why hearing the opening chords of a favorite song can feel so euphoric.

• Providing comfort: Nostalgia serves as an emotional anchor during turbulent times. Revisiting songs from a safer or happier time can offer a sense of stability and grounding.

However, nostalgia isn’t always cheerful. Comfort songs can also elicit heavier emotions like grief or sadness, reminding us of what we’ve lost. These moments, while difficult, are part of the healing process. Allowing ourselves to feel the weight of these emotions through music can help us process and release them, ultimately fostering emotional resilience.

What song or piece of music brings up joyful or difficult emotions for you, and how have those moments of musical reflection helped you process past experiences or losses?

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Music as Medicine: Mental Health Benefits

Listening to music is more than just a passive activity—it’s a therapeutic tool that can significantly enhance mental health. Research shows that music can:

• Reduce stress: Music, especially classical or calming genres, can lower cortisol levels, helping to reduce stress and anxiety.

• Improve mood: Upbeat tunes trigger the release of dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitter, which elevates mood and motivation.

• Enhance focus: Certain types of music, particularly instrumental or lo-fi beats, can improve concentration and productivity.

• Aid in emotional expression: Music therapy is often used to help individuals process complex emotions, particularly during grief or trauma.

The universality of music lies in its ability to resonate with our emotional states, offering a means to cope, celebrate, or simply reflect.

What’s your go-to song when you need a mood booster?

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Music, Connection, and Community

Beyond its personal impact, music has a profound way of connecting us to others. Shared musical experiences—whether at a concert, a backyard bashment, or even a karaoke night—foster a sense of belonging and community. There’s a reason DJs remain cultural icons: they curate soundtracks that unite us on dance floors, turning individual listeners into a collective, harmonious group.

When the beat drops, music sparks a collective movement. Venues like Miss Lily's and The Record Room in NYC showcase music's communal power through their diverse soundtracks and welcoming atmospheres. Consider how Beyoncé's Renaissance Tour created a cultural movement—she encouraged personal expression through silver attire while fostering unity and collectiveness. This beautifully demonstrates how music transforms culture and builds community.

Whether at a concert or lounge, these spaces offer more than just beats—they're where people unite to share joy, movement, and human connection. Even as the party scene changes, music remains the thread that binds us together.

Music also creates powerful bonds across generations through shared songs and traditions passed down between family and friends. Watch what happens when "The Electric Slide" plays at a BBQ—people of all ages will form a line, dancing and singing together in perfect harmony. It's no wonder that groups like The Supremes, The Isley Brothers, and Earth, Wind & Fire, or artists like Sam Cooke and Otis Redding continue to have millions of monthly listeners on Spotify. Their timeless music still captivates audiences across generations. Music will have you drifting on a memory, and when we share these cherished classics with younger generations, we pass down memories, traditions, and culture.

The Neuroscience of Music

On a neurological level, music engages multiple parts of the brain, including those responsible for memory, emotion, and even motor control. Studies have shown that music:

• Activates the hippocampus, which processes memories, making it a powerful trigger for past experiences.

• Stimulates the amygdala, the brain's emotional processing center, enhancing our ability to feel and process emotions.

• Releases oxytocin, known as the "love hormone," during shared musical experiences, deepening feelings of connection, bonding, and trust.

The combination of these effects explains why music is such a potent tool for healing and community building. It speaks to our deepest emotional needs while fostering relationships that enrich our lives.

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How to Harness the Healing Power of Music

You don’t need an elaborate setup to benefit from music’s therapeutic properties. Here are some simple ways to incorporate music into your wellness routine:

1. Create a personalized playlist: Curate a mix of nostalgic tracks and uplifting tunes that bring you joy.

2. Explore new genres: Expanding your musical tastes can introduce you to fresh perspectives and new sources of comfort.

3. Engage in group experiences: Attend a live show, join a singing group, or host a karaoke party to deepen your connection with others through music.

4. Practice mindful listening: Spend time fully immersed in a song, paying attention to its lyrics, rhythms, and emotions.

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The Takeaway: Music As A Tool For Healing

Music can be a form of respite during tough times, spark joy in the mundane, and bring people together to build connection and intimacy. It reminds us of our shared humanity, whether we're listening to nostalgic tracks, discovering new sounds, or dancing in a crowd. So, press play on your favorite song and let its healing power guide you—because sometimes, all we need is a melody to feel whole again.

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What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

PS: If you enjoyed reading this, pressing the heart button increases I’m So Mature’s visibility and helps us grow. Can you do me a favor and give it a tap (but only if you really mean it)?

Do You Believe in Miracles?

According to Meriam Webster, a miracle is defined in the following ways:

1. an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

2. an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

Some people associate miracles with religion, but you don't have to be religious to have faith and believe extraordinary things can happen. There's something powerful about the word "miracle." It conjures a sense of possibility—of something greater than ourselves that we can lean into, especially when the road ahead feels uncertain. In the song Miracles, Sault weaves this idea of transformation and unexpected blessings, reminding us to trust, believe, and be open to what life might bring us.

Think about a time when you felt like you were living in a dark tunnel. You struggled to see the light, suffocated by the weight of worry, trapped in a body that only knew how to survive in panic and fear rather than in contentment and ease.

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Post-traumatic stress is the state our bodies enter after experiencing trauma. It dysregulates our nervous system and impairs our judgment, making it difficult to distinguish between safety and discomfort. When we do the work needed to heal from our trauma, we are planting a mustard seed of faith—because healing itself requires believing that growth and repair are possible. Every step of self-work embodies the belief in a miracle.

It's the belief that:

Self-regulation is possible.

Thriving versus surviving is possible.

Feeling safe in your body is possible.

Learning to love yourself again is possible.

This is where Post Traumatic Growth comes in. The power of self-belief and hope work together to bring you to a state of ease where you use your trauma as a catalyst for change rather than an experience that keeps you stuck, unhappy, and discontent with life. Post Traumatic Growth is the place where grit, resilience, and self-efficacy intersect. Grit is the driving force that helps us persevere, while resilience and self-efficacy work together to build mental toughness by strengthening our belief in our ability to overcome obstacles and reach our goals.

Do you realize that you are the miracle you're looking for? Whether you've been carrying hurt around like luggage, battling thoughts of inadequacy, wrestling with feelings of insecurity, or crying tears on someone's shoulder or in private—you are still living, breathing, and getting through this extraordinary life. What a miracle. In the midst of doing the hard work to want better for yourself, you become your own glimmer of hope when you look in the mirror.

Glimmers are small acts of joy and moments of connection that regulate the nervous system—unlike triggers, which send the body into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These glimmers surround us, waiting to be discovered, and they often appear in unexpected moments of faith, opening our eyes to miracles—those profound experiences that transcend words.

You've come through. I know you have because you're reading this. Your heart—whether heavy or light—still carries that mustard seed of faith to believe that this life of yours holds power. You just have to trust that life can get better for you from here. That requires self-trust and, most importantly, belief.

Healing and rebuilding self-trust are profound journeys, but they’re rarely linear. In fact, learning to trust ourselves again, building confidence, and embracing a belief in miracles are often intertwined. This kind of trust isn’t just a mental exercise—it’s an emotional, psychological, and even spiritual practice. Let’s explore these themes in more depth and see how we can apply them to our own lives.

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Healing Through Self-Trust

Trusting ourselves is a fundamental part of healing. When we experience setbacks, disappointments, or even betrayals, our sense of trust can waver—not just in others but within ourselves. Self-efficacy, a psychological term coined by Albert Bandura, refers to our belief in our ability to handle life’s challenges and bring about desired outcomes. When we lack self-efficacy, we might second-guess our decisions or lose faith in our ability to navigate life’s complexities.

To rebuild self-trust, start small. Consider areas where you already make good decisions, no matter how simple they might seem. It could be something as small as choosing what’s best for you to eat or setting boundaries at work. Write these down to remind yourself of the ways you’re capable and wise. With time, these small affirmations of trust in ourselves can lay a foundation for handling larger challenges. Self-trust grows as we prove to ourselves that we can be reliable, resilient, and patient through ups and downs.

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Building Confidence as a Practice

Confidence doesn’t just appear—it’s a practice we have to nurture, and it starts with positive self-regard. Positive self-regard means holding ourselves in high esteem, not in a superficial way but as a recognition of our worthiness, regardless of flaws or past mistakes. It’s about seeing ourselves as worthy of love, success, and yes, even miracles.

To build confidence, start by challenging limiting beliefs. If you’ve told yourself things like “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up,” ask yourself where these beliefs come from. Often, these thoughts are rooted in past experiences or messages we’ve internalized from others. Take time to rewrite these beliefs into statements that reflect your true potential, like “I am capable of learning and growing” or “I can try again.”

Building confidence also involves taking action, even when we’re afraid. By facing challenges head-on and giving ourselves permission to make mistakes, we create room for growth. Confidence doesn’t mean we never feel fear or doubt—it means we keep going anyway, trusting in our ability to handle what comes.

Believing in Miracles and the Power of Possibility

Sometimes, life’s difficulties can make us lose sight of the bigger picture, dimming our hope for change or improvement. Miracles by Sault is a gentle reminder that even when things seem tough, miracles are still possible. Believing in miracles isn’t about waiting passively for something extraordinary to happen. Rather, it’s about cultivating a mindset of openness, curiosity, and faith in life’s potential to bring unexpected blessings.

This mindset is known as optimism bias in psychology—a tendency to expect positive outcomes, which research has shown can improve resilience and overall well-being. By focusing on the possibility of good things ahead, we create a space within ourselves to notice and receive these moments when they do arrive.

To start practicing this openness, try keeping a “miracle log.” Each day, write down small moments of positivity or unexpected joy, like a kind word from a stranger, a new opportunity, or even a feeling of peace during a difficult moment. With time, this practice can help us notice and appreciate the miracles around us.

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Embracing Spiritual Healing for a Deeper Connection

Spiritual healing is often an integral part of building self-trust and resilience. Whether through prayer, meditation, spending time in nature, or simply connecting with a sense of purpose, spiritual healing invites us to look beyond ourselves. It provides an anchor when things feel chaotic and can help us reframe our challenges within a larger context.

One of the core elements of spiritual healing is surrender. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up; it means releasing the need for control and trusting in something greater than ourselves. When we surrender, we let go of our fears and anxieties, creating space for peace and clarity. It’s a practice of accepting where we are right now and trusting that life has a way of guiding us, even if the path isn’t immediately clear.

For some, spiritual healing also involves connecting with a community or like-minded individuals. When we share our healing journey with others, we often find support, empathy, and a reminder that we are not alone. Spiritual healing is as much about building connections as it is about cultivating inner peace.

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Moving Forward: Trusting in Yourself and Believing in Miracles

Healing, self-trust, confidence, and spiritual growth are not destinations—they’re journeys that take time, patience, and practice. Sault’s Miracles reminds us that even when we can’t see the full picture, miracles may be unfolding just beneath the surface.

Take these steps in your own time. If you’re healing from a setback, rebuilding self-trust, or learning to believe in yourself again, know that you are exactly where you need to be. Trust that small, daily practices of self-compassion and openness will lead you to a place of greater peace and confidence. Miracles don’t always come in grand, sweeping gestures. Sometimes, they show up as subtle, quiet moments that shift us gently in a new direction.

As you go forward, keep a mindset of curiosity and trust. Believe that the universe has something beautiful in store for you and that you have the power within to create a life filled with love, resilience, and perhaps, miracles beyond what you can imagine.

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

PS: If you enjoyed reading this, pressing the heart button increases I’m So Mature's visibility and helps us grow. Can you do me a favor and give it a tap (but only if you really mean it)?

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As we prepare to turn the page on another year, there's no better anthem to guide us into 2025 than Ariana Grande's catchy hit, Thank U, Next. The lyrics offer profound wisdom about healing, self-compassion, and personal transformation, highlighting the importance of embracing life's ups and downs, learning from the past, and staying hopeful for what lies ahead.

The end of the year can bring a plethora of emotions. It’s often a time when we ruminate on dreams that didn’t materialize, tally losses from the past twelve months, or grieve unanswered prayers. Yet, it’s also a time to fill our journal pages with aspirations—affirming who we are, discerning what to carry forward into the new year, and deciding what to leave behind. While the promise of a fresh start in the new year is a beautiful idea, remember that every day—whether in January or June—is an opportunity to achieve your desires.

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Instead of focusing on unfulfilled goals, what if we saw the end of the year as the closing of one chapter and the start of another? Even though time is not truly linear, the end of the year marks the end of a season. It’s a moment that invites us to pause, reflect, and recenter ourselves.

Imagine walking into a Barnes & Noble and being captivated by an enticing book cover. You pick it up, read the back cover description, and decide to take a chance—investing hours in someone else's words. As you progress through the chapters, you feel a sense of accomplishment as the ending draws near. When you reach the final chapter, you must accept that this story is complete, and it's time to find your next read. This transition can bring anxiety. Will the next book be as engaging? Will it stir your emotions and leave you wanting more? Can you trust it will be worth your time, or will it disappoint—perhaps even leaving you hanging for a sequel?

The only way to know is to reach for a new book from the shelves. You must trust that it will be just as captivating as the last—or perhaps even better. Though you can't predict how these new words will transform your heart, you choose to take that chance. You brace yourself for the journey ahead while cherishing the books that came before and the lasting impressions they left.

Life is like a bookstore, filled with countless themes and genres that can transport us to new dimensions, places, and journeys. As we navigate this bookstore called life, we find ourselves picking up new material while setting aside the books we've already read and experienced. Each time we return a book to the shelf, it becomes an opportunity to say "Thank U, Next"—to be grateful for the experiences that book taught us and the lessons we've learned from it.

Before diving into the key themes of Thank U, Next and how they can inspire us to close out the year with purpose, I want to explore why the end of the year, or endings in general, often feels so difficult.

Why the End of the Year Can Feel Hard

1. Anticipatory Anxiety

The end of something often marks the beginning of something new, which can stir up feelings of anxiety. Anxiety is a state of fear and worry, often triggered by uncertainty and things outside of our control. As we approach the end of the year, the unknowns of the future can lead to stress, chronic fear, or a sense of overwhelm about what lies ahead.

2. Grief and Loss

The close of the year can bring up feelings of grief and loss, especially if there are goals you haven’t accomplished or dreams that feel deferred. It can also be particularly challenging if you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one. As we prepare to step into a new year, it might feel like you’re leaving them behind or entering a new chapter without their presence, which can evoke deep sadness.

3. Pressure and Perfectionism

The end of the year often comes with immense pressure to wrap up unfinished business, hit milestones, and celebrate accomplishments. There’s a societal push to end the year on a high note, which can fuel perfectionist tendencies. This pressure can make us feel like we must justify our year with a big success story, leaving little room for grace or acceptance of what we’ve achieved at our own pace.

Luckily, there are tools you can utilize to help you overcome the complicated feelings endings bring up for you, and here are five key themes from 'Thank U, Next' that can guide us through periods of transition and change.

1. Self-Compassion: Embracing the Journey

Ariana reflects on her past relationships not with bitterness but with gratitude, highlighting the concept of self-compassion. Psychologist Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend.

“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” –Kristin Neff

As you reflect on 2024, consider the mistakes, missteps, or heartbreaks you’ve experienced. Instead of judging yourself harshly, ask:

• What did this teach me about myself?

• How can I grow from this experience?

Replacing self-criticism with curiosity and care creates space to move forward with confidence and ease.

2. Lessons Learned: Growth Through Reflection

The lyric, “I’ve loved, and I’ve lost, but that’s not what I see,” reminds us of the importance of reframing. Every experience, even painful ones, holds valuable lessons. This is known in psychology as post-traumatic growth, the idea that adversity can lead to profound personal development.

Take a moment to journal or meditate on this question:

• What did 2024 teach me about love, resilience, or my own inner strength?

Growth isn’t about erasing the past but finding meaning in it, even when it’s messy.

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3. The Power of Self-Love

These lyrics are the most iconic lines in the song. This declaration of self-love is a powerful reminder that the longest relationship we’ll ever have is the one that we have with ourselves. Learning to value yourself isn’t selfish—it’s foundational in order to heal, grow and evolve.

Psychologist Carl Rogers spoke about unconditional positive regard, which means accepting yourself fully, flaws and all. Building self-love requires nurturing your relationship with yourself through small, intentional acts:

• Practicing daily affirmations (e.g., “I am enough just as I am”).

• Setting boundaries that protect your peace, time, and energy.

• Investing time in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

As you plan for 2025, consider how you’ll prioritize your well-being and nurture the relationship you have with yourself.

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4. Continuing to Dream: Hope for the Future

In Thank U, Next, Ariana optimistically looks to the future despite the uncertainty of what’s to come. This forward-thinking mindset aligns with the psychological concept of hope theory, which emphasizes the ability to set goals, develop pathways to achieve them, and sustain the motivation to keep going.

Dreaming is an act of courage, especially when the past has been challenging. It requires trust in your ability to adapt, grow, and create new opportunities. Ask yourself:

• What dreams do I want to carry into 2025?

• How can I take one small step toward those dreams today?

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5. Gratitude: A New Perspective

Despite heartbreak, Ariana’s appreciation for her exes reflects the transformative power of practicing gratitude. Research shows that gratitude rewires the brain, enhancing resilience, improving relationships, and boosting overall happiness.

As you reflect on 2024, make a list of people, experiences, or lessons you’re thankful for, even if they came in unexpected or challenging forms. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring the hard parts of life—it’s about acknowledging the full spectrum of your journey, honoring the lessons that come from hardship, and appreciating the good instead of always focusing on what isn’t going right.

Your 2024 Closing Ritual

To help you close out the year with clarity and intention, try this simple exercise:

1. Reflect: Write down three lessons you learned in 2024.

2. Release: Identify one thing you’re ready to let go of (e.g., self-doubt, regret, toxic relationships).

3. Recommit: Set one intention for how you’ll nurture your self-love in 2025.

Thank U, 2024–Next: Moving Forward with Grace

As we say goodbye to 2024, let’s carry forward the essence of Thank U, Next. Let’s thank the experiences that shaped us, embrace ourselves with compassion, and dream boldly about what’s to come. Life may not unfold perfectly, but with emotional maturity, gratitude, and self-love, we can navigate its ups and downs with grace.

In the words of Ariana, “I’m so amazing… I’ve loved, I’ve lost, and I’ve learned.” That’s a mantra worth living by as we step into a brand-new year.

Here’s to, 2025, and all the ways we’ll continue to heal, grow and evolve.

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Welcome to The Playroom 🎶—where we uncover the emotions, themes, and lessons hidden in the songs we love, along with cultural moments that shape the world of music.

When Beyoncé released "Cowboy Carter," she received significant backlash and criticism. Many people complained that it didn't sound like a traditional country album, claiming it was too long and boring. The list of criticisms seemed endless, showing a clear disregard for her evolution into country music.

Criticism isn't foreign to Beyoncé. Having grown up in the public eye, she has faced backlash since her Destiny's Child days, yet it's amazing that she continues to bless us with captivating music, artistic visuals, and out-of-this-world performances. And out of all the days of the year, she graced us with a magical Christmas Day performance during the NFL half-time show.

Beyoncé’s halftime performance on Netflix wasn’t just entertainment—it was a cultural moment and a testament to artistry, grit, and expansion. Beyoncé didn’t just perform; she told a story of evolution, and what it means to unapologetically take up space in an ever-changing world. Here’s what we can learn from her groundbreaking performance.

Pass The Mic: Uplifting Others While Elevating Herself

When Beyoncé stepped out of the camera frame to let Shaboozey take center stage during his rap, she demonstrated what it truly means to "pass the mic." She saluted him and stepped aside, recognizing that her presence wasn't needed to make the moment special. Her trust in his ability to command those few minutes displayed genuine leadership and pure generosity.

Not only that, but her choice to bring out other artists such as Tanner Adell, Brittney Spencer, Tiera Kennedy and Reyna Roberts highlighted the richness of Black artistry and celebrated a collective identity. It was a reminder that success isn’t just about personal achievement—it’s about lifting others as you rise.

Research in social psychology shows that representation has profound effects on self-perception. When individuals see people who look like them succeeding in visible spaces, it enhances self-esteem and fosters a sense of belonging. Beyoncé’s spotlighting of artists wasn’t just a kind gesture; it was a radical act of inclusion that echoes far beyond the stage.

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The Mother-Daughter Bond: Blue Ivy’s Growth

Blue Ivy did far more than line dancing—she commanded the stage alongside her mother throughout the entire performance, from "Ya Ya" to "My House" and "Texas Hold 'Em." Her synchronization with Beyoncé was so seamless that her presence felt completely natural on stage, to the point where many didn't notice her before the line dance.

Watching Blue Ivy perform with Beyoncé felt like witnessing an intimate family moment unfold before a global audience. Their movements weren’t just choreography; they were a reflection of connection, trust, and growth. The symbolism of a mother-daughter duo so in sync speaks volumes about mentorship, trust, legacy, and the importance of nurturing talent.

The first time we saw Blue Ivy on stage was during Beyoncé's Renaissance tour, where, like her mother, she faced intense criticism. Despite being a child, she wasn't shielded from people's cruelty. Yet she followed her mother's example, refusing to let negative comments make her shrink or stop dancing. Blue's performance at the halftime show reveals profound lessons about child development. Children experience hurt just as adults do, but they also possess remarkable abilities to build resilience and overcome challenges. Blue's captivating performance at the halftime show reminds us all not to let others define our capabilities or identity.

From a psychological perspective, this moment touched on social learning theory, which suggests that children learn behaviors, values, and skills by observing and modeling adults they trust. Blue Ivy's growth as a dancer reflects not only her mother's influence but also symbolizes the intergenerational wealth and inheritance of resilience and artistic excellence. As viewers, we can draw inspiration from Blue Ivy—if she can command that stage with confidence and perseverance, what might we achieve?

When you think of social learning theory, who in your life can you look up to as a role model that inspires you to develop resilience and confidently embrace your authentic self?

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Grit and Artistic Evolution: Always Moving Forward

Whether you're a devoted member of the BeyHive, a casual fan, or not a fan at all, one undeniable truth stands out: Beyoncé's relentless pursuit of growth and her extraordinary dedication to becoming the woman she is today.

While many people dream of who they want to become, they often shy away from the dedication and hard work required to reach those goals. Without grit, dreams remain unfulfilled. Beyoncé exemplifies how success demands continuous effort—no matter how far you've already come. She embodies grit—that powerful combination of passion and perseverance toward long-term goals. As she ventures into country music and challenges the conventional boundaries of pop stardom, Beyoncé shows us how an artist can constantly evolve, and she reminds us all that we too can evolve in whatever industry we're in—as long as we're willing to put in the work and not let criticism deter us from our desires.

Her exploration of country music, often seen as a genre dominated by white artists, makes a bold statement about unapologetically taking up space while rejecting limitations and refusing to be confined. This aligns with the psychological concept of self-actualization, the pinnacle of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Self-actualization means realizing and pursuing one's fullest potential, breaking free from societal expectations, and living authentically.

Beyoncé’s career trajectory teaches us that reinvention isn’t just an option—it’s essential for longevity and impact.

Ask yourself:

• What self-imposed limits are interfering with my ability to grow and live up to my fullest potential?

• How would I define living authentically and reaching my full potential in both my personal and professional life?

• What goals am I pursuing, and how might I be standing in my own way?

• On a scale of 1–10, how would I rate my level of grit? Am I self-motivated, or could I benefit from support in building my self-esteem and confidence?

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The Takeaway: A Blueprint for Living Boldly

Beyoncé’s halftime performance wasn’t just about music or witnessing a dazzling performance with great lighting, costumes and choreography;—it was about creating a legacy. From her mother-daughter moment with Blue Ivy to her leap into country music, every element of the show demonstrated her commitment to artistic growth and evolution. For those watching, it was more than entertainment—it was a masterclass in living boldly, evolving fearlessly, and taking up space unapologetically.

So, whether you're stepping into a new career or embracing a long-held passion, take a page from Beyoncé's book: don't be afraid to evolve, lift others as you rise (because there is space for all of us), and be bold and unapologetically yourself in every room you enter.

What’s Coming on 1.14.25?

Leave it up to Beyoncé to always drop a teaser for something. On her Instagram account, she released a video of herself swinging the American flag while sitting on a white horse. The number "1.14.25" appeared on the screen with a caption that reads, "Look at that horse."

Is a tour coming? A new album? Is this when the BeyoncéBowl special will air on Netflix? I guess we have to wait and see. What do you think it is?

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What was your favorite moment from the halftime show?

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Catch you next Monday—don’t forget to drop your thoughts in the comments below!

PS: If you enjoyed reading this, pressing the heart button gets I’m So Mature more visibility and helps us grow. Can you do me a favor and give it a tap [but only if you really mean it]?

Put the knife down, sis. Please don’t lose it all over a man.

The urge to snap after a breakup can overwhelm us at times, especially when you see your ex moving on. I get it. You're trying to handle the breakup in an emotionally mature manner. You try to remain very demure. Very mindful. But then you see him posting the new girl, and all that healing work you did with your therapist goes out the window.

Listen, breakups hurt, and when you see an ex moving on, it can feel like someone’s rubbing salt in a wound you thought was healing, and now you need to increase your weekly budget to fit in more therapy sessions.

What I love about SZA’s Kill Bill is that it captures that raw, frustrated energy—the feeling that the person who once filled your world has just… moved on. It’s a song about longing and the complicated emotions that surface when a former relationship ends, but the pain lingers.

The Psychology of Moving On: Why It’s Harder Than It Looks

If you ever wondered why moving on can be so hard, there’s a science to it.

When a relationship ends, your brain and heart remain wired to the person you once held close. Neurochemically, you've been conditioned to see your ex as a source of safety, belonging, or whatever stories you told yourself about who they are and what they mean to you. This is why endings can feel like such a shock to our nervous system. It gets even worse when you see them moving on and living their life with someone else—this can trigger deep pain related to attachment and loss.

Yearning for a romantic relationship is not a bad thing, but when you reach a point where you're self-abandoning and sitting in your basement plotting revenge against your ex and his new girl, well… this might mean you struggle with what's called "love addiction.”

Love addiction is not a diagnosis within the DSM-5, but it's a psychological term describing an unhealthy obsession with a romantic partner. This manifests as chronic people-pleasing, persistent rumination, intense emotional highs and lows, and feelings of worthlessness when a relationship ends. Love addiction can be driven by neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin, which contribute to our bonding with others. After a breakup, the sudden withdrawal from this "chemical high" leaves us feeling empty, longing, and vulnerable.

In the early days after a breakup, it's common to experience rumination—a state where our minds get stuck replaying memories, questions, and regrets. Rumination keeps us mentally tethered to our ex, blocking the healing process. The key is learning to disrupt this cycle and reclaim our thoughts—a process we can work through with time, patience, and a few tools.

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Step 1: Confront Your Feelings (Even the Ugly Ones)

One of the reasons why Kill Bill is so popular is because SZA is raw and honest about her feelings of rage, envy, sadness, and frustration. Her feelings are messy, and she’s being open about it instead of pretending it’s all good when it’s not.

In therapy, we call this emotional ambivalence when you feel many opposing emotions at once, and it’s completely normal. Ambivalence can be tough because it feels messy, but try to avoid suppressing your difficult emotions. Let yourself feel all your feelings without judgment; bottling them up often leads to lingering resentment, unresolved grief, and maybe the desire to kill your ex.

Journaling can help you be honest with yourself about your emotions. Write down the thoughts you might not be comfortable sharing out loud. Sometimes, simply articulating these feelings allows us to gain insight and ultimately reduce their power over us.

Step 2: Reframe the Narrative

Your ex’s new relationship might make you feel like you’ve been “replaced” or that your relationship didn’t matter. It might also make you think you are not good enough or worthy, but that’s just your mind telling you stories–literally. This is called cognitive distortion, and it can trick us into seeing things in extremes—like feeling that your ex is now “better off” or that you’re “not good enough.” These thoughts are irrational but powerful, keeping you stuck in a loop of self-blame or resentment.

Four common types of cognitive distortions:

• Personalization: Blaming yourself for other people’s actions

• Making assumptions: Assuming to know a situation without knowing the facts

• Black & White thinking: Seeing things in extremes without nuance

• Overgeneralization: Believing one single experience will determine the outcome of all future experiences

Try reframing the narrative. For instance, instead of thinking, “They’ve moved on, and no one wants me,” tell yourself, “They’ve found someone new, and I am free to find the person who is for me.” Reframing won’t erase the pain but it can open space for a more compassionate view of yourself and your journey forward.

Step 3: Reframe Your Scarcity Mindset

In my work as a coach and therapist, I've consistently observed many women living with a scarcity mindset when it comes to men. You might find yourself at home, crying with a box of tissues on your bedside table, telling yourself, "I'm never going to find someone who loved me like my ex did."

Here's a truth bomb: if there's one thing men are good at, it's moving on and existing in a state of abundance. That's a lesson I need you to learn. It's perfectly okay to be sad when a relationship ends, but convincing yourself you'll never experience love again is simply not true.

Reframe the belief that love has limitations because it doesn't. Love flows abundantly and will meet you wherever you are, as long as you're willing to be open to it. You'll likely always have love for an ex-partner, but the end of that relationship doesn't mean the end of your capacity to love and be loved.

Step 4: Break the Cycle of Comparison

This is for my cyberstalkers. Social media can be a dangerous place post-breakup. Scrolling through pictures of your ex with someone else only fuels the fire of comparison, leading you to question your worth, attractiveness, and even personality. This behavior is referred to as upward social comparison, where we compare ourselves to someone we perceive as “better,” triggering feelings of inadequacy.

To break this habit, mute or unfollow that man, sis. Also, don't have your friends cyber-stalk him either. Ask yourself, "Why is this information important or relevant to my healing journey?" Unless you want to be in a state of self-sabotage—which I know you don't—consider limiting your social media use, especially during vulnerable moments. Instead, spend that time focusing on things that lift you up—whether it's connecting with friends, rediscovering old hobbies, or exploring new interests. Remember, there's no need to compare yourself to your ex's new partner or relationship; their journey is separate from yours (and it's none of your business).

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Step 5: Reconnect with Yourself

One of the biggest challenges after a breakup is rediscovering your identity after being so intertwined with someone else. Relationships often become central to our daily lives and sense of self. Now's the time to reconnect with your values, goals, and passions—aspects that might have taken a backseat during the relationship. This process might even reveal things about the relationship that didn't sit well with you, helping you set the tone for what you want in your next partnership.

Try setting small goals, like reading a new book, learning a skill, going on a solo date, or even setting aside time for daily self-care. These acts of self-reclamation reinforce your identity, building your confidence and sense of purpose. Gradually, you’ll feel more whole and less dependent on a relationship for validation.

Step 6: Embrace the Power of “No Contact”

Sometimes, the healthiest move you can make is to cut off contact with your ex. Let's be real—what do you gain from staying in touch? Are you really interested in being BFFs with the man you once fantasized about luring into your basement, never to be seen again? “No contact” isn’t about spite or punishment; it’s about creating space for healing. This boundary prevents re-triggering old wounds and gives you the breathing room to process your emotions.

If you're tempted to reach out, remind yourself that each interaction will likely delay your recovery. Remember, missing someone isn't a valid reason to contact them. It simply means you're longing for the connection you once shared. It's perfectly okay to miss someone without acting on that feeling. No contact can be challenging but liberating; it’s a chance to prioritize your well-being and give yourself the time and space to heal.

The Takeaway: Moving Forward at Your Own Pace

Seeing an ex move on isn't easy, but it's an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your capacity for resilience, and your ability to experience the endless flow and abundance of love that life has to offer through the people we connect with.

As SZA expresses in Kill Bill, it's okay to feel complex, even irrational emotions—but remember, you're so much more than your heartbreak. Now, put away those thoughts of revenge, get off that man's Instagram, and focus on yourself. Light a candle, read a book, and make peace with moving on.

Have you heard the song? Give it a listen! Leave a comment and share your thoughts. What parts of this essay resonated with you the most?

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