In the hit movie One of Them Days, two friends, Dreux (Keke Palmer) and Alyssa (SZA), race against time when they discover Alyssa's boyfriend has stolen their rent money. Their frustrated landlord gives them until evening to pay up—or face eviction.

One of Them Days gave us more than cute chaos and a few good laughs. Underneath the humor was a haunting truth: SZA’s character was abandoned by the very man she was centering and ended up at risk of homelessness because of it.

Male-centered women have become a topic of conversation all over social media. If you scroll on Threads, for example, these women are defined as "dangerous," "scary," and even "envious." We see this played out in One of Them Days as the friends are not only robbed by Alyssa’s boyfriend, but he leads his side-chick to her so she can beat Alyssa up, and cause more chaos in her and Dreux’s life.

It was satire, yes–but also painfully familiar. It was a visual metaphor for what happens when women keep pouring into emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, and disinterested men, hoping love will be enough.

So let's talk about it—because the problem isn't just the guy. It's the social conditioning that taught women to attach their identity to their relationship status and prioritize men who wouldn't even inconvenience themselves for a woman in return.

Being male-centered is a colloquial term that describes a woman who panders to and puts men on a pedestal. These women are considered "dangerous" by their friends because they will put themselves and others at risk to prioritize men, even at the cost of their own safety and emotional well-being. This is not the same as a woman who compromises in a healthy relationship with mutual respect, reciprocity, and effort from a partner who equally prioritizes her. Instead, this describes a woman prioritizing a man who has proven to be disrespectful, disinterested, and even disdainful toward her through his negligent, neglectful, and harmful behavior.

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You might recognize this pattern—perhaps you know someone like Alyssa who consistently prioritizes emotionally unavailable partners, or maybe you've found yourself walking in Alyssa's shoes, giving your all to someone who offers nothing in return. Whether you're watching from the sidelines or living this reality yourself, it's important to understand that these patterns aren't random—they're deeply rooted in our experiences and social conditioning. So, what drives this self-defeating pattern? Here are six psychological insights that explain why.

1. Sunk Cost Fallacy: "But I already gave so much…"

We convince ourselves we must see it through because we've already invested time, energy, and emotions. This is the sunk cost fallacy: the false belief that sticking with something bad is better than "wasting" what you've already given. But what's actually wasted is our peace, safety, and potential—staying keeps costing us more.

Ask yourself: How much of your mental energy, self-worth, and inner peace are you willing to sacrifice by staying in a relationship that consistently causes you harm?

2. Cognitive Dissonance: When the truth hurts too much

We want to believe this person loves us. So when their behavior contradicts that belief—when they don't show up, don't care, don't choose us—we rationalize it. We say "they're just going through something" or "I know they love me deep down." That tension between what we know and what we want to believe? That's cognitive dissonance. And it keeps us stuck in a story that's not real.

3. CPTSD & Reenacting Abandonment Wounds

For many, love feels unsafe because it was unsafe. If we grew up with inconsistent caregivers, or were emotionally neglected or abandoned, we may unconsciously seek that same pattern in adulthood. We chase emotionally unavailable people because they feel familiar. And we think if we can finally "win" their love, it'll heal what we couldn't fix in the past. This is how CPTSD (Complex PTSD) keeps us in cycles that hurt—but feel like home.

Reflect: How many of your relationship patterns mirror the emotional climate of your childhood?

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4. Struggle Love as Social Conditioning

Let's be real—struggle love is marketed to women like it's a badge of honor. Be the ride-or-die. Be the woman who "held him down" until he got it together. We're told that sacrifice makes us worthy. But all that does is make it easier to abandon ourselves while calling it love.

5. Loyalty as a Trauma Response

There's a big difference between loyalty and survival-based attachment. When we learn early that love is earned through fixing, proving, or suffering, we stop asking: Is this person even good for me? We stay not out of connection, but out of fear—fear of being alone, of being rejected, of being unloved. But true love isn't about proving your worth. It's about being safe to exist as you are.

6. Confusing Intensity for Intimacy

Unpredictable, chaotic love can feel intoxicating—but that's not intimacy. That's an activated nervous system. We mistake adrenaline for connection. But real love is regulated. It's boring in the best way. And when you've been conditioned to expect harm, peace can feel unfamiliar—even unsafe.

Reflect: Has peace in a relationship ever made you feel uncomfortable? What patterns or behaviors make you feel most "at home" in relationships, and why do you think that is?

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The Takeaway: Respect is The Key to A Healthy Relationship

Sometimes "one of them days" is actually the day you wake up—the day you realize being chosen isn't the same as being cherished. You don't have to keep centering people who wouldn't even circle back for you.

A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, open communication, and emotional safety. Both partners should feel heard, valued, and supported. There's no room for manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional neglect–instead, there's transparency, consistency, and genuine care for each other's well-being.

You deserve someone who shows up consistently, makes space for your growth, and celebrates your independence. Remember: love shouldn't deplete you or put you in harm's way–it should nurture you.

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On the TV show Insecure, the main character, Issa Rae, is known for her close friendship with Molly. Whether Issa is going through a breakup, having a hard day, needing a favor, or simply wants someone to vent to, viewers know that Molly is her go-to person—and the same goes for Molly with Issa. They even have self-care Sundays together, which are filled with self-nourishing activities with a little bit of gossip and maybe a mimosa on the side.

Molly isn't Issa's only friend, however—she also shares a deep sisterhood with Kelli and Tiffany. While Tiffany and Kelli may not be Issa's go-to people when she's struggling or looking for deep conversations, they remain within her circle of support. Their friendship reminds us that relationships exist on a spectrum: not every friend needs to be as close as family to still maintain a valuable connection rooted in respect, reciprocity, and care.

When I think of Molly and Issa, I think of one of my best friends I've known since I was six. We met in first grade and grew up together. As adults, we started seeing each other as more than friends—we became sisters. She is a part of my chosen family, and I am a part of hers. She calls my mother "Mom," and I do the same with hers. During the holidays, we combine our families, and I am the godmother to her children. I was even in the delivery room when they were born. The bond I have with my best friend is unique and special. She was by my side when I was bullied throughout primary school, she mourned with me when my father died—who was also a father figure to her as well—and she has been an integral part of my support system.

In my adult life, I've met many people with whom I share intricate relationships, but for most of them, I haven't developed the same deep bond that I have with my best friend. Growing and maturing helped me realize that this is perfectly fine—because not every friendship needs to be a "best friend" situation to be meaningful. I don't seek—or need—to replicate the unique closeness I share with my best friend in every new friendship I form.

In Insecure, Issa has meaningful experiences with Kelli and Tiffany that extend beyond her relationship with Molly. The four of them go on trips together, celebrate birthdays, go on group social dates, and support one another during triumphs and devastating losses—like when Molly's mother dies and when she gets married.

Their friendship and deep sisterhood empower us to recognize that friendship exists on a spectrum. This understanding can support our social and mental health, and here are five takeaways we can learn about the spectrum of friendship from the TV show Insecure.

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1. People Can Come Into Our Life to Serve Different Roles

Insecure showcases the different types of friendships Issa has:

• Kelli is the friend you call when you want to turn up and have a good time. She brings humor and energy to the group, always lightening the mood.

• Tiffany is the friend you call when you want to do something low-key and bougie. She's down for a good time, too, but it will have a dash of sophistication.

• Molly is the friend who is down for anything—even riding around with you while you pick up passengers as a Lyft driver to make it more fun. She's deeply woven into Issa's day-to-day life.

These friendships remind us that not every friend is meant to be our go-to for everything, and that's okay. Each of these friendships adds value in its own way, and different people fulfill different emotional and social needs. Rather than expecting one person to be everything, we thrive when we embrace a variety of connections.

Is there someone in your life who plays a meaningful role but doesn't fit the "best friend" label? How can you appreciate them more?

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2. Some Friendships Are Rooted in Shared Experiences

Some friendships thrive because of the stage of life you're in together. Insecure shows this through Issa and her core group, who initially bond over shared experiences as Black women navigating career, love, and personal growth in their late 20s and early 30s.

Many friendships are deeply tied to certain factors and third spaces, such as work environments, school, book clubs, support groups, or mutual struggles. This explains why some friendships fade when those shared experiences change. Instead of seeing this as a failure, we can recognize it as part of the natural ebb and flow of relationships.

3. You Don't Have to Be Everything to Every Friend

A common friendship struggle is feeling pressure to be all things to all people. Issa and Molly's relationship suffered when their expectations weren't aligned—they expected too much from each other without recognizing their individual emotional limitations or communicating effectively about their needs and frustrations.

When we expect too much from one friend, we can experience friendship burnout, leading to feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment. The healthiest friendships acknowledge boundaries and allow people to show up authentically rather than forcing unrealistic expectations. When we expand our circle of support, however, we have multiple people in our lives we can lean on and feel supported by.

4. Friendship Roles Shift Over Time

Friendships are not static—they evolve as people grow and their circumstances change. Issa and Molly had seasons of intense closeness, painful conflict, and, ultimately, reconciliation. Meanwhile, Tiffany's role in the group shifted when she got pregnant and also when she moved away, but she remained part of the circle in a different capacity.

Life transitions—such as moving, career changes, becoming a parent, losing a parent, or experiencing personal growth—create natural turning points in friendships. Rather than resisting these shifts, Insecure shows us how to embrace them as part of life's journey.

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5. It's Okay If Every Friendship Doesn't Go the Distance

Not every friendship is meant to be lifelong, and that doesn't diminish its significance. While Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany maintained their friendship, the show also depicted how some relationships fade naturally over time or even experience conflict.

Studies on adult friendships highlight that while childhood and teenage friendships are often based on proximity, adult friendships are more fluid and tend to be based on shared values and life stages. Instead of feeling guilty when friendships naturally drift apart, we can appreciate them for what they were at that time in our lives.

Are there friendships you've outgrown that you feel guilty about? What would it look like to release that guilt?

The Takeaway: Friendship Is More Fulfilling When We Honor The Different Roles People Play in Our Lives

Rather than trying to fit all friendships into the same mold, Insecure reminds us to honor the unique roles people play in our lives. Some friends are our confidants, some bring fun and adventure, and others provide grounding and stability. And as we grow, those roles may shift—and that's okay.

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

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By now, you've probably seen the headlines—Target is the latest corporation, alongside Meta, Amazon, Walmart, McDonald's, and others, to scale back its DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) initiatives. For those looking for receipts1, here’s a quote from their recent Belonging at The Bullseye Strategy press release, published on their website on January 25th:

Throughout 2025, we’ll be accelerating action in key areas and implementing changes with the goal of driving growth and staying in step with the evolving external landscape. We will continue to monitor and adjust as needed. Current actions include:

• Concluding our three-year diversity, equity and inclusion goals.

• Concluding our Racial Equity Action and Change (REACH) initiatives in 2025 as planned.

• Ensuring our employee resource groups are communities fully focused on development and mentorship. These communities will continue to be open to all.

• Further evaluating our corporate partnerships to ensure they are directly connected to our roadmap for growth.

• Stopping all external diversity-focused surveys, including HRC’s Corporate Equality Index.

• Evolving our “Supplier Diversity” team to “Supplier Engagement” to better reflect our inclusive global procurement process across a broad range of suppliers, including increasing our focus on small businesses.

If Target’s decision to scale back its DEI initiatives surprises you, it shouldn’t. Corporate commitments to social responsibility often last only as long as they’re convenient. When diversity stops being a marketing flex and starts affecting the bottom line, companies quickly return to business as usual.

This corporate backslide isn’t just about Target—it’s part of a larger pattern. It exposes how corporations use DEI initiatives to cultivate brand loyalty, creating the illusion of meaningful progress. Progress that suggests a better society—one where everyone has access to economic prosperity and upward mobility. But is that actually happening? Or is the change we believe in just a mirage, fragile and fleeting?

If you’ve seen Leave the World Behind, you already know—the illusion of stability is just that: an illusion.

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The Illusion of Inclusion & Who Gets Left Behind

In Leave the World Behind, society doesn’t collapse all at once. It erodes in ways that are easy to ignore at first. A blackout. A strange email outage. A car that won’t start. A migration of deer. A sense that something is off but no clear explanation why. That’s how systems fail—not in a dramatic instant, but in subtle ways until suddenly, the safety nets we relied on are gone.

Take the scene where the Stanford family is on the beach. An oil tanker drifts toward the shore—slowly at first, almost imperceptibly. There’s an assumption it will stop. It’s supposed to stop, right? But it doesn’t. And if you don’t move, the impact will be catastrophic.

The same creeping inevitability is happening with corporate DEI. First, budgets were quietly cut. Then, entire teams were dissolved. Now, corporations are abandoning diversity efforts outright—treating them like the black squares they posted on Instagram in 2020 before scrolling back to business as usual. Now that the era of performative activism is over, are we also seeing the illusion of inclusion?

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DEI Does Not Mean Black

One of the biggest misconceptions about DEI is that it exists solely to benefit Black people. In reality, DEI programs are designed to create more equitable and inclusive environments that support everyone—and strengthen organizations as a whole. Some of the key beneficiaries include:

• Women – DEI initiatives promote gender equity, ensuring fair treatment and increased opportunities.

• LGBTQ+ Individuals – Inclusive policies create workplaces where LGBTQ+ employees feel respected, and valued.

• People with Disabilities – DEI efforts drive accessibility improvements and workplace accommodations.

• Veterans – Recognizing the unique skills of veterans helps them transition into civilian careers.

• Older Employees – DEI addresses ageism and values the experience of older professionals.

• Humans. Because ultimately, DEI fosters psychological safety—allowing people from all walks of life to make mistakes, learn, and grow without fear of criticism and retaliation.

Critics argue that DEI programs disrupt the so-called “natural” hiring process or create unfair advantages. But these arguments stem from a desire to maintain an old system that already favors certain groups. Just as Leave the World Behind exposes the cracks in society’s infrastructure, the unraveling of DEI exposes the deeper inequities within corporate America.

In the film, Rose encounters a migration of deer—an unsettling, symbolic moment that hints at a much larger environmental and systemic failure. Similarly, the demise of DEI exposes an uncomfortable truth about corporate culture: These programs were never about real, lasting change. They were about optics and consumer loyalty, especially in the wake of George Floyd’s murder—when Target first launched its DEI goals and REACH initiative. Now, as DEI efforts crumble, we’re left to confront the biases that were never truly addressed—only concealed.

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Corporate Morality in Crisis & Where We Go From Here

Leave the World Behind doesn’t offer a neat resolution—because real collapse doesn’t come with a satisfying ending. Instead, it leaves us with an unsettling question:

What happens when the systems we depend on stop working?
What happens when corporations make it clear that social responsibility was never the priority?

We’re about to find out.

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Have You Seen Leave The World Behind?

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

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Welcome to The Media Room 📺—where I dive into the themes behind the movies, shows, and cultural moments that shape the world of art and entertainment.

As a social worker and mental health educator, I spend a lot of my time immersed in learning and researching heavy topics—trauma, depression, loneliness, anxiety, narcissism, and did I mention trauma?

During my downtime, I crave a healthy escape, and one of the best ways for me to decompress and disconnect from the heaviness of the work I do is to watch a TV series. My evenings are my time to unwind, and when faced with the choice between watching the newest show everyone is raving about on Threads or revisiting a show I've already seen, I always find myself reaching for my remote and leaning toward what's familiar—rewatching an old TV show.

No matter how many times I watch The Office, I still laugh from the pit of my belly every time I watch the scene where Dwight starts a fire in the office to conduct a "safety training" drill, causing Stanley to have a heart attack (Season 5, Ep. 14). It gets even better when Dwight goes to CPR training and decides to cut off the dummy's face, pretending to be Jason from Friday the 13th (Season 5, Ep. 5). These episodes never get old no matter how many times I watch them, and I also know I’m not the only person who’s a bit obsessed with re-watching old TV shows.

As you scroll through social media, you'll notice countless people expressing their love for rewatching '90s sitcoms and consuming media from the early 2000s, from Friends and The Office to Gilmore Girls and Sex and The City. In an era of streaming services offering endless new content, the question remains: why do so many of us gravitate toward the familiar instead of exploring something new? Are we disinterested in fresh content, or is there some kind of psychological reprieve we get when we revisit old shows?

The answer lies in how nostalgia, emotional safety, and psychological regulation work together to soothe us. Let's explore why old TV shows provide such universal comfort.

Nostalgia: The Comfort of Memories

Nostalgia is more than just reminiscing; it’s a powerful emotional state that connects us to happier or more stable times. Re-watching a show you loved during a simpler or more joyful phase of your life can evoke warm feelings and provide a temporary escape from present stressors.

Studies have shown that nostalgia can benefit our mental health by boosting our mood, fostering a sense of meaning and belonging, and even enhancing self-esteem. Old TV shows serve as a portal, transporting you back to the moments when you first watched them—whether it was lounging on the couch after school (Did someone say Pepper Ann is streaming?), binging episodes with friends, or sharing laughs with loved ones who are no longer in your life. These memories create a sense of emotional security and familiarity that’s deeply comforting.

Which nostalgic show do you find yourself returning to again and again?

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Reducing Stress: Familiarity as Emotional Safety

When life feels overwhelming, our brains often crave simplicity. After a stressful day at work, you might want to do as little thinking as possible and reduce your tasks to decompress. This helps manage cognitive load—the amount of working memory being used in the brain to process information or perform tasks.

Watching an old TV show can serve as a coping strategy to manage stress due to its predictability. When you re-watch an old show, you're already familiar with the storyline and characters, which reduces cognitive load. This predictability can be a powerful way to manage the uncertainty and chaos of everyday life. While new shows require an investment of our time and mental energy to follow unfamiliar plots, characters, and twists—old shows allow us to relax into the comfort of knowing exactly what comes next.

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Regulating the Nervous System: Grounding Through Media

Old TV shows can also help regulate the nervous system. When we feel dysregulated, whether due to stress, anxiety, or other emotional challenges, grounding techniques can help stabilize our emotions. Watching something familiar engages the senses while keeping the brain in a safe and predictable environment. After all, trauma is the body's reaction to a perceived threat or a general sense of danger and lack of safety.

In a time when our nervous systems are constantly feeling dysregulated and in a state of fight or flight—due to traumatic experiences that are environmental, societal, or interpersonal—our bodies need something that will keep us grounded and help us feel safe.

The soothing effect of rewatching shows is like wrapping yourself in a warm, weighted blanket. It's not just about the content—it's about the full sensory experience: the familiar theme song, reciting those timeless jokes, and even appreciating the stunts, colors, and visuals. These elements work together to create a grounding effect that calms both the mind and body.

A Sense of Control in a Chaotic World

In today's fast-paced, unpredictable world, the feeling of powerlessness can be overwhelming. Re-watching old TV shows offers a small but significant sense of control. The familiarity of a show becomes especially valuable when dealing with stress or anxiety. You know the storyline, the jokes, and even the emotional arcs—which gives you a sense of control and can leave you feeling empowered in many ways.

Repetition can be inherently soothing—it reinforces safety and comfort. It’s one of the reasons why a child will ask you to read the same bedtime story or play the same game of peek-a-boo again and again. As an adult in a world filled with challenges, old TV shows offer a comforting reminder that some things—like how Carrie had no business marrying Mr. Big—will always remain true.

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Dopamine and Our Desire to Feel Good

Humans love pleasure! Watching a favorite TV show can trigger dopamine release, the brain’s reward chemical. Because the brain associates the show with past positive experiences, revisiting it becomes a reliable source of joy, pleasure, and happiness.

Is There A Dark Side to Re-Watching Shows?

We are living in lonely and disconnected times. As people search for belonging and strive to form new relationships, parasocial relationships—one-sided attachments to celebrities, influencers, or fictional characters who are unaware of the connection—continue to rise. Sometimes, a person's obsession with rewatching a show might stem from their fixation on a television character or actor.

If rewatching content comes from a place of unhealthy obsession with a person—constant rumination, stalking them in real life, obsessive thoughts about the person, an inability to separate the character from the actor—then you may have developed a parasocial relationship. The solution to breaking free from this pattern is to create real-life, meaningful relationships with people you know or do the work to meet new people and form real connections to combat feelings of loneliness.

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The Takeaway: Your Dose of Healthy Escapism

In a world that constantly demands our attention and energy, re-watching old TV shows offers comfort, nostalgia, and emotional regulation. It’s more than just entertainment; it’s a way to reconnect with ourselves, find stability, and take a break from the demands of modern life. So the next time you cue up an old episode of Parks and Recreation or Vampire Diaries, know that you’re not just indulging in nostalgia—you’re engaging in a powerful form of self-care.

Share What’s on Your Mind

What themes from this piece resonated with you? What are you currently re-watching? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

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The first time I got into a fight, I was in eighth grade, and it was because a girl in my class called me a crybaby. We were in the midst of an argument, and I could feel the rage boiling over inside me. The tears I was trying to suppress burst out like a dam, and before I knew it, I was crying in a fit of rage. She began to tease and antagonize me—little did she know, when I'm angry and crying, that means my rage is at 1000, and all hell is about to break loose. That's exactly what happened when my fists started swinging. After that day, everyone in school knew that if Minaa was angry and crying—don't mess with her.

As an empath, I feel emotions deeply and am highly attuned to others' feelings—a trait I've had since childhood. Being an emotional container for so many feelings means eventually needing release, and crying is my way of letting go when I'm overwhelmed or in despair. During these vulnerable moments, some friends have told me I cry too much, while others frantically try to "fix" the situation—shoving tissues at me and rushing me to package away my emotions. Not everyone is comfortable with tears, and these same people often struggle to support others during intense emotional moments.

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I've known one of my best friends for nearly fifteen years, and I've only seen her cry twice in our entire friendship. For her, crying triggers deep shame and embarrassment; for me, crying is simply a release. It's like taking a deep breath after holding your head underwater for hours.

Whether you cry on a friend's shoulder or hide in the bathroom with the water running to mask your sniffles, there's a special kind of magic in a good cry. It's that moment when the dam breaks and all your bottled-up emotions pour out—leaving you feeling lighter, clearer, and surprisingly peaceful. For many, crying carries an unnecessary stigma, often perceived as a sign of weakness, frailty, or loss of control. Societal expectations, particularly those demanding men and women to "be strong," have taught us to suppress our tears rather than embrace them. But here's the truth: crying isn't just natural—it's profoundly beneficial for our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

Let’s unpack the power of crying, celebrate the tearjerkers that move us, and reframe crying as a cathartic and spiritual practice.

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The Science-Backed Benefits of Crying

Crying is one of the body’s natural mechanisms for processing emotions, and its benefits are as real as they are numerous:

1. Stress Relief: Emotional tears contain stress hormones like cortisol. When you cry, these hormones are released, which helps reduce tension and restore emotional balance.

2. Emotional Regulation: Crying allows you to process emotions rather than suppress them. This act helps prevent emotional buildup, which can manifest as irritability, anxiety, or even physical ailments.

3. Connection and Empathy: Crying in the presence of others fosters intimacy and understanding. Research in psychology shows that tears signal vulnerability, inviting compassion and strengthening bonds.

4. Detoxification: Tears also flush out toxins from your body, offering both a literal and metaphorical cleansing experience.

5. Mood Boosting: Crying stimulates the production of endorphins—the body’s natural “feel-good” chemicals—helping you feel better after a good sob session.

6. Improved Sleep and Mental Clarity: Studies suggest that crying can calm your nervous system, reducing the fight-or-flight response and promoting relaxation, which often leads to better sleep.

Despite these benefits, many of us hesitate to let the tears flow. This shame stems from societal conditioning. Men are told to “man up,” while women are often dismissed as overly emotional. But crying isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of humanity. It’s time to shed the shame and reclaim crying as an act of strength and self-care.

Are you comfortable crying in front of people you have close relationships with? Do you ever feel a deep sense of shame and embarrassment when crying in front of others?

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The Tearjerkers That Open the Floodgates

Sometimes, we need a little nudge to release those pent-up tears, and movies and TV shows are perfect catalysts. Here are three unforgettable scenes that are guaranteed to make your eyes well up and your heartache:

1. Episode 3 of The Last of Us

Dubbed "Long, Long Time," this episode tells the tender love story of Bill and Frank amidst the backdrop of a post-apocalyptic world. It's a tale of survival, connection, and choosing love despite the odds. I've never cried so much while watching a TV series. This episode is more than emotionally moving—it's a masterclass in exploring the complex layers of ambiguous loss and how deeply we're wired for love, care, and connection. The scene of their final meal together, their vulnerable declarations of love, and their mutual decision to depart this life together strikes a deep chord. It's a poignant reminder of the beauty of love and the inevitability of loss, making it impossible to hold back tears.

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2. Episode 7 of From Scratch

From Scratch is already a masterclass in emotional storytelling, but episode seven is when you'll need to grab a box of Kleenex, your favorite snack, and put your phone on DND to fully immerse yourself in the raw emotions. Watching Amy lie with her love as he takes his last breath feels like a punch to the gut—you can't help but mourn with her and experience the depths of pain, grief, and sorrow. In the season finale, watching Amy cope while finding strength for their daughter is devastating yet inspiring. The layered emotions—love, loss, resilience—are a testament to the human spirit and the profound impact of shared lives.

3. A Man Called Otto

Tom Hanks shines in this deeply moving story about a grumpy widower whose life changes when he forms an unlikely friendship with his new neighbors. Otto’s journey from isolation and grief to connection and hope is beautifully captured. The flashbacks of his late wife, coupled with his eventual embrace of life again, remind us of the healing power of community and kindness.

These scenes don’t just tug at your heartstrings—they offer a safe space to feel deeply and let go. They validate the complexity of human emotions and remind us that it’s okay to not always be okay.

What’s a movie or TV show that always makes you cry, and why do you think it impacts you so deeply?

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Reframing Crying as a Cathartic, Spiritual Practice

If you’ve ever emerged from a good cry feeling clearer and lighter, you’ve experienced its cathartic effects. Crying is a release—a way to cleanse your spirit and honor your humanity. Think of it as emotional yoga: stretching and releasing tension from parts of your soul that you didn’t even realize were tight.

Here are some ways to reframe crying:

• Shift the Narrative: Crying isn’t weakness; it’s resilience. It’s a sign that you’re brave enough to face your emotions.

• Create a Safe Space: Whether it’s watching a tearjerker or journaling your thoughts, set aside time to connect with your emotions without judgment.

• See It as Connection: Crying builds empathy and reminds us we’re never alone in our experiences. Sharing tears with others can foster deep, meaningful bonds.

• Embrace Its Spirituality: Tears can be a form of prayer, a way of surrendering what no longer serves you and inviting healing.

Next time you feel the tears welling up, don’t suppress them. Let them flow freely, knowing that each tear is a step toward emotional freedom and renewal. Whether you’re crying through a Netflix binge or simply processing life’s complexities, you’re nurturing your well-being in a way that’s as raw as it is beautiful.

So, grab the tissues, press play, and let it all out!

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

PS: If you enjoyed reading this, pressing the heart button increases I’m So Mature’s visibility and helps us grow. Can you do me a favor and give it a tap (but only if you really mean it)?

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Welcome to The Media Room—where we dive into the themes behind the movies, shows, and media we love.

Holiday gift guides are great, but sometimes the most joyous moments come from things money can't buy—simple acts of self-care. Experiences can be just as meaningful as physical gifts. Whether you're watching a movie with family, treating yourself to a solo movie date, baking holiday cookies, or joining in Christmas carols, these moments of healthy escapism boost our mood and create memories rooted in joy and gratitude.

Healthy Escapism: Your Holiday Mental Health Superpower

Healthy escapism means engaging in activities that help take your mind off reality, life stressors, and challenges. The holiday season stirs up many emotions, and it's a time when we can acknowledge their duality. We can simultaneously experience joy and sorrow, happiness and grief, love and pain. Healthy escapism allows us to honor all these emotions while preventing them from weighing us down or disrupting our mental well-being.

The holidays offer a natural escape from the daily grind of work, school, and other responsibilities. During this time, schools close until the New Year, work meetings move to January, and we shift our focus to unwinding—enamored by festive decorations and savoring seasonal treats like mint and pumpkin spice lattes.

While this break may be brief before we return to our usual rhythm of productivity in the new year, why not give yourself the gift of pre-care—tending to your well-being before taking on new work and responsibilities?

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The Gift of Play: Embracing Joy Through Art and Entertainment

A holiday survival kit is all about finding joy and practicing pre-care. Rather than finding more gifts to wrap and place under the Christmas tree, it's about giving yourself the gift of experiences, creating new memories, and regulating your nervous system through the power of art and entertainment. Studies have shown that viewing or creating art can activate the brain's reward system, releasing dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which are associated with pleasure, motivation, connection, and stress reduction. So the next time you feel guilty binge-watching a new TV series, remember that depending on what you’re consuming, it can be an act of self-care.

Whether you plan to spend the holiday alone or around family, I'm here to help you create your own dopamine menu and holiday survival kit—and it won’t cost you a dime! Let's navigate the season together with a remote in one hand, a playlist queued up, and a mug of something warm (I'll be having hot chocolate, what about you?).

For When You Need to Escape Family Drama

Not every family gathering feels like a Hallmark movie. When you need to step away from the chaos, here’s what to queue up:

• TV Show: Only Murders in the Building(Hulu) — Solve fictional mysteries while dodging real-life ones.

• Movie: Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (Netflix) — A stylish whodunit to remind you that all families have skeletons (literally, in this case).

• Music: Jhene Aiko’s Blue Dream — Chill and introspective for when you need to zone out.

For Cozy Vibes

Find your chill with these heartwarming picks:

• TV Special: The Great British Bake Off Holiday Edition(Netflix) — Nothing says cozy like British people baking cakes under pressure.

• Movie: When Harry Met Sally(HBO Max) — Is it a holiday movie? Debatable. Is it a cozy classic? Absolutely.

• Music: A nostalgic playlist featuring Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (because, let's be real, Christmas is officially Mariah's holiday, and she graciously shares it with us) paired with the timeless Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song.”

For a Laugh

Feeling holiday stress? Lighten the mood and laugh your a** off with these picks:

• Movie: Lady Bird (HBO Max)—Will you have moments of sadness? Yes, but you will also have a good laugh.

• TV Show Episodes:

  • Insecure: Season 1, Episode 1 (“Insecure as F**k”)

  • The Office: Season 2, Episode 10 (“Christmas Party”)

• Music: Happy by Pharrell — A mood-boosting anthem and a bop at the same time.

For Big Feels

Because sometimes, crying is self-care, too:

• Movie: A Man Named Otto (Netflix) — About grief, loss, and finding meaning again when life feels hard.

• TV Moment: The Last of Us (Episode 3) — Warning: you will cry a river, a lake, and an ocean – tears are basically guaranteed.

• Music: Natasha Bedingfield’s, I Bruise Easily — Crying is better with poetic lyrics.

For Feeling Inspired to Take on 2025

Power through the year-end slump with these inspiring and motivational pick me up’s:

• Movie: The Pursuit of Happyness — This one’s a little emotional, but it’s a reminder of resilience and owning our struggles.

• Music: Beyoncé’s Renaissance album — Start with “I’m That Girl” and thank me later.

• Documentary: Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé(Netflix) — Because this special never gets old… runs to the couch singing, “I be getting to the money, everybody mad.”

Bonus Section: Free Pop Culture Gifts That Keep on Giving

You don’t need to spend money to make the holidays special. Try these no-cost ways to make pop culture work for you:

• Rewatch Nostalgic Holiday Episodes: From The Office’s "Christmas Party" to Gossip Girl’s “Roman Holiday.”

• Host a Pop Culture Trivia Night: Use iconic moments from the year to quiz family or friends.

• Create a Collaborative Holiday Playlist: Ask loved ones to add their favorite tracks for a mix of tastes and memories.

• Bake Treats Inspired by Pop Culture: Whip up holiday cookies or a treat that is inspired by a show or your favorite character, like Harry Potter-style treacle tarts.

• Cook Together Using Celebrity Recipes: Find recipes from your favorite celebrities online and recreate them at home. Taylor Swift’s chai sugar cookies are a fan favorite!

• Read a Novel for Healthy Escapism: Borrow a trending book from the library, like The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo or a holiday-themed romance novel.

• Host a DIY Hot Chocolate Bar: Add marshmallows, candy canes, whipped cream, and other mix-ins while playing holiday movie soundtracks in the background.

• Turn Your Kitchen Into a Bake-Off Studio: Channel The Great British Bake-Off vibes with a fun and friendly baking challenge using ingredients you already have.

Whether you’re snuggled up solo or dodging the holiday chaos, let this guide remind you that the magic of the season is wherever you choose to create it.

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What show or movie will you be watching this holiday season? Have a favorite song? Leave a comment and stay tuned for this week’s Reflect & Release writing prompts (which are going out on Wednesday for this week)!

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Christmas music started playing the day after Thanksgiving, and the tree at Rockefeller Center went up two weeks ago. Hot chocolate with specialty-flavored syrups like gingerbread and salted caramel graces every coffee shop's menu. Mariah Carey's bank account grows by the minute as "All I Want for Christmas" plays on repeat. These are all signs of Christmas in America, and the only thing left to add to the list is rewatching holiday classics like Mary Poppins, A Charlie Brown Christmas, and the infamous Home Alone.

As Christmas lights glow on every block, gift-wrapping paper sells out, and dinner menus are planned for Christmas day, amid all the holiday cheer, we sometimes fail to recognize that for many, the holidays can be a time of deep loneliness, family chaos, and emotional exhaustion.

Thirty-four years after the release of the beloved classic Home Alone, rewatching it as an adult hits differently, especially during this festive but complex time of year. Home Alone explores the depth of holiday loneliness and family tensions while offering unexpected wisdom about setting boundaries, preserving inner peace, and finding meaningful connections.

Loneliness: Being Alone vs. Feeling Alone

Celebrating Christmas looks different for every family. Some folks wake up in Paris on Christmas Day, opening their French doors to a balcony with views of stunning architecture, sipping a perfectly crafted cappuccino that would put Starbucks to shame while savoring a decadent, buttery croissant, while the flakes unknowingly stick to the top of their chins. Then there are folks like me, who might whisk together two eggs, slap some cream cheese on a bagel, text "Merry Christmas" to the family group chat, and plop down on the couch to watch Netflix.

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Then there are those sitting at a dinner table with a beautiful spread, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater—forcing laughs at unfunny jokes, dodging uncomfortable questions, watching the clock waiting for the moment of their great escape, and scrolling through social media to avoid their present reality. Though surrounded by people, loneliness wraps around them like a weighted blanket, leaving them feeling trapped and isolated.

The central premise of Home Alone is Kevin accidentally being left behind by his family on Christmas Day. Kevin’s initial reaction to being left behind is excitement—he can do whatever he wants without interference. He doesn’t have to worry about boring conversations or family members provoking his peace. But as the days go by, his independence begins to feel hollow. He misses his family, even the parts of them that drive him crazy. This arc mirrors the dual nature of loneliness: it can be both physical (actually being alone) and emotional (feeling disconnected even when surrounded by others).

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During the holidays, many people experience:

• Physical Loneliness: Being away from loved ones due to distance, estrangement, or loss can make the season feel isolating.

• Emotional Loneliness: Even when surrounded by family or friends, you may feel unseen, misunderstood, or disconnected—similar to Kevin’s longing for genuine connection despite the chaos around him.

Psychologically, loneliness can be linked to feelings of low self-worth, rumination, and even heightened stress. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid, especially during a time when societal expectations around “holiday happiness” can make loneliness feel even more pronounced.

There's an important distinction, however, between loneliness and solitude. Being alone doesn't automatically mean you're lonely. You can have a peaceful, cheerful holiday curled up on your couch, enjoying a solo dinner at a restaurant, treating yourself to a movie, or taking a quiet, meditative walk.

As you prepare for Christmas, consider what you need to feel supported, especially if you're already experiencing physical and emotional loneliness.

Ask yourself:

What does joy mean to me? And what would it take to cultivate an experience of joy during the holidays?

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Family Chaos: The Struggle to Feel Seen and Valued

Speaking of emotional loneliness, this feeling can manifest when you exist within a toxic, dysfunctional family system.

A dysfunctional family is characterized by neglectful, disruptive, and abusive behaviors that negatively impact the social and emotional well-being of its members.

Examples of family dysfunction include:

• Substance misuse/abuse

• Sexual, physical, and emotional abuse

• Emotional and physical neglect

• Parentification

• Enmeshment/codependency

• Secrecy, gossiping, and exclusion

The McCallister family’s chaotic dynamic offers a familiar glimpse into the tension that can arise during family gatherings. Kevin’s Uncle Frank, in particular, embodies the toxic family member archetype—self-centered, dismissive, and unapologetically rude. Uncle Frank’s behavior underscores how family relationships can sometimes make you feel small, undervalued, lonely, and tempted to cut ties altogether.

For many, the holidays bring:

• Toxic Interactions: Certain family members may demand attention, push boundaries, or act entitled.

• Emotional Exhaustion: Being around critical or overbearing relatives can leave you drained, as if you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

If being with family feels overwhelming, it’s important to practice emotional attunement—paying attention to what you’re feeling and why. If the dynamic feels harmful, consider setting boundaries, even if it means limiting your exposure to certain people.

Remember: You deserve respect and have every right to prioritize your emotional well-being during the holidays—just as you would any other time of year. Don't feel pressured to endure mistreatment simply for the sake of maintaining holiday cheer.

Fighting Off the “Burglars” in Your Life

I've watched Home Alone more than a dozen times and recently uncovered a fascinating theme. The Wet Bandits in Home Alone represent more than just comic relief—they symbolize persistence in taking what isn't theirs. Every time they are harmed by one of Kevin's traps, they keep coming back. They behave as if they are invincible and are so hell-bent on robbing Kevin that they could care less about the consequences. Like seriously, how many times do you have to get knocked out before you learn a lesson or two?

This revealed to me that Kevin’s battle to protect his home mirrors the emotional labor we sometimes endure during the holidays to protect our peace and energy from those who endlessly feel entitled to it.

This might show up as:

• People Who Drain You: Those who take without giving, demand too much, or expect you to cater to their needs without considering your boundaries.

• Unrealistic Expectations: Feeling like you must meet everyone’s demands, say “yes” to every request, or give more than you have.

Kevin's clever traps remind us that it's perfectly fine to say "no" and protect our peace. Setting boundaries—whether declining invitations, avoiding draining conversations, or limiting contact with exhausting people—isn't selfish; it's essential self-care.

Finding Connection in Solitude

One of the most poignant moments in Home Alone is Kevin’s visit to the church, where he reconnects with Old Man Marley. Through their unlikely friendship, Kevin learns that even in loneliness, connection can be found in unexpected places.

If you’re feeling isolated this holiday season, consider:

• Seeking New Communities: Volunteer, attend local events or join virtual gatherings to find others who may be feeling the same way.

• Reconnecting with Yourself: Use quiet moments to reflect, journal, or engage in activities that bring you joy.

• Creating Your Own Traditions: Bake cookies, decorate your space, or watch your favorite holiday films—simple rituals can provide comfort and meaning.

Psychologically, finding small ways to connect—with yourself or others—can help combat feelings of loneliness by fostering a sense of belonging and purpose.

Do you have any holiday traditions you’d like to create this season?

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The Holidays as a Mirror

The holidays, like the burglars in Home Alone, have a way of forcing us to confront what we’d rather avoid: loneliness, family dynamics, and the need for boundaries. But just as Kevin learns to navigate his challenges, we can find ways to make the best of difficult situations.

Key takeaways from the film include:

• It’s Okay to Feel Lonely: Acknowledging loneliness is the first step to addressing it.

• Boundaries Are Essential: Protecting your peace doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you wise.

• Connection Can Be Found Anywhere: Whether it’s with a neighbor or a friend or cultivating a deeper connection with yourself, meaningful connection is always possible.

The Takeaway: Embrace the Season Your Way

Home Alone reminds us that while the holidays can be filled with joy, they can also bring challenges. Whether you’re feeling lonely, navigating family chaos, or protecting yourself from those who take more than they give, remember that you have the power to create your own sense of peace and connection.

Like Kevin, you may feel "home alone" during this season, but by setting healthy boundaries, staying self-aware, and thinking creatively, you can turn a lonely holiday into an opportunity for personal growth, healing, and maturing.

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Are you rewatching any holiday classics? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

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This is part two to Monday’s post, Defying Gravity Part One: The Layers of Friendship, Labels, and Complex Sibling Dynamics. If you missed it, read it here.

"It's not easy being green." These iconic words from Wicked reveal a truth far deeper than skin color. They capture the raw reality of feeling excluded, misunderstood, and different in a world fixated on labels and conformity—a world whose rigid standards leave many oppressed.

With its stunning visuals and catchy melodies, Wicked is more than a spectacular performance; it’s a mirror reflecting our deepest struggles with belonging, tribalism, and identity. Wicked dares us to examine the boxes we’ve been placed in—and the ones we willingly climb into ourselves.

People claim they don't like being placed in boxes, yet they keep creating new ones to sort themselves into. As a result, I now cringe at any notification that says, "Please complete this form before arrival." My God. No more boxes. Enough, already. Soon, these notifications will probably need to include the warning: "This form will take you 234,988 minutes to complete."

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These endless checkboxes have become subtle social labels that determine who belongs and who doesn't. We’ve tricked ourselves into believing that these boxes help us define community, but is community a box or a circle? It is a social support system made of different people with different abilities that exist on a spectrum. If we stay boxed in, how will we bond with the people who don’t fit into our box? Boxes make the world feel a little smaller, a little more confined. In many ways, labels and boxes can trap us in cycles of tribalism and exclusion, limiting our sense of connection and humanity.

Tribalism and the "Us vs. Them" Mentality

While watching Wicked, I couldn’t help but think of Greg Lukianoff's quote from The Coddling of the American Mind:

“If we want to create welcoming, inclusive communities, we should be doing everything we can to turn down the tribalism and turn up the sense of common humanity.”

The story of Elphaba and Glinda captures this dynamic perfectly. Glinda’s popularity and Elphaba’s ostracization mirror the human tendency to form in-groups and out-groups, a concept explored in psychology through social identity theory. We gravitate toward those who share our traits—be it race, class, or gender—these groups foster a sense of belonging and loyalty but can also create sharp divides, with one group dominating and excluding the other and furthering the exclusion and oppression of others.

When I was a child, I was teased and bullied for being a tall girl. I was born a solid nine pounds and ten ounces (God bless you, mother), and from birth, I was wearing six-month-sized clothes despite being only four weeks old. I grew fast, my legs and arms like tree limbs stretching mightily toward the sky. I always had to stand in the back of the class line, which made me despise short people. When I wasn't being teased for my height, it was for my teeth and the gap that stood center stage in my mouth (you don't see it now, thanks to Invisalign 😬). I could go on and on, as I have endless stories of being othered from a young age. And it fascinates me that children–small, young, innocent children are wired to pick up on differences that set them apart from others.

Attachment theory shows us that social bonding is essential for survival from an early age. However, when we categorize and group people based on their "differences," we can end up oppressing and marginalizing those outside our "in-group" and even those within it.

This behavior persists beyond childhood—from high school cliques built around exclusionary "you can't sit with us" attitudes to workplace hierarchies where colleagues vie for status and promotions while pretending to be team players. The impact runs deep: tribalism fuels systemic issues like racism, sexism, and classism, perpetuating cycles of privilege and oppression.

Breaking Free from The Endless Checkboxes

Wicked reminds us of the danger of oversimplifying people into neat, pre-defined categories. Elphaba, painted as the "Wicked Witch," defies every label thrust upon her. She shows us that rejecting the boxes others place us in can be painful but necessary for our growth and healing.

At the same time, the boxes we willingly enter can also trap us. Whether it’s checking endless forms or adhering to societal expectations, the more we conform to these structures, the further we stray from our true selves. The challenge lies in recognizing when a label, a box, or a group serves us—and when it limits us.

So, how can we resist the pull of tribalism and break free from limiting labels? Self-awareness and empathy. Self-awareness helps us recognize our unconscious biases toward those outside our "tribe." Empathy enables us to see the humanity in others, even when their experiences or beliefs differ from our own. We witness this transformation when Glinda acknowledges her mistreatment of Elphaba and uses her influence to welcome her—an action that inspires her social circle to embrace Elphaba as well (C’mon allyship!). This shift sparks a meaningful friendship and shows that we can live in harmony with those who are different from us rather than fearing, oppressing, or pushing them away.

By embracing our shared humanity, we can look beyond simplistic divisions of "good" and "bad," or "wicked"—beyond the labels of popular and outcast, us versus them. When we recognize that identity is rich, complex, and far too nuanced to fit neatly into any box, we can embrace the messy truths about ourselves and others, challenging the systems and stories that try to limit who we are.

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The Wounds of Rejection: When Family Excludes Us

It's one thing to be born green; it's another thing to be scolded for something outside of your control and be deprived of love, care, and nurture from the people who brought you into this world in the first place. While tribalism in society is painful, being rejected and "othered" by your own family cuts especially deep.

Elphaba's story begins with rejection from her parents. Psychologically, this form of exclusion can have a devastating impact on one’s sense of self. Family is often our first community, and when that bond is never developed, it sends a dangerous message: You are unworthy of love as you are.

This mirrors the concept of attachment theory, which explains how secure, loving relationships in early life shape our self-worth and resilience. Conversely, being ostracized or treated as an outcast can lead to feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and even internalized oppression—when individuals begin to believe the negative narratives imposed upon them.

In adulthood, these early wounds often resurface in how we perceive ourselves in workplaces, friendships, and romantic relationships. Healing starts with recognizing that our worth is not dictated by others’ acceptance but is intrinsic to who we are. However, to get to this place, it’s important to rewire your belief system by challenging the negative thoughts you have about yourself.

Ask yourself:

What hurtful messages did I internalize from my family? How have these messages shaped my self-esteem and sense of identity?

What are three empowering beliefs I want to embrace about myself? How will adopting these beliefs strengthen my self-worth and confidence?

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The Complexity of Free Speech

In The Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff states,

“Free speech and the ability to tolerate offense are the hallmarks of a free and open society.”

An element in Wicked that I loved was how it also challenges us to consider the limits of expression: What happens when voices are suppressed? When does free speech cross the line into harm? These are messy, complex questions with no easy answers.

Psychologically, humans rely on language to make sense of the world. Silencing someone not only denies their perspective but can also strip them of their agency. However, unchecked free speech can spread hate, misinformation, and division.

While free speech can be challenging to navigate, psychological safety occurs when people create spaces for respectful dialogue about differences without resorting to harm or "canceling" others. This requires emotional intelligence—particularly active listening, empathy, and emotional regulation. We must accept that there will be times when we disagree with someone's truth and acknowledge that people have autonomy over their thoughts and beliefs. It's not our place to dictate others' belief systems.

What are your thoughts on free speech? Should there be limits on it? How can we learn to handle opposing viewpoints? And does our inability to tolerate challenging language stunt our personal growth and emotional maturity?

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The Takeaway: How to Defy Gravity in Your Own Life

Elphaba’s journey is a testament to resilience and authenticity. Despite immense pressure to conform, she embraces her differences and fights for what she believes in. Her story offers timeless lessons:

• Value Yourself Beyond Acceptance: Your worth isn’t determined by your ability to fit in. Self-worth comes from honoring your authentic self, even when it feels lonely.

• Challenge Tribalism: Be aware of how group loyalty can blind you to the value of those outside your circle. Seek to understand and include others.

• Learn from the Past: Reflect on how your history—or the history of those before you—has shaped your current reality. Use this awareness to break harmful cycles.

• Speak Your Truth: Advocate for yourself and others, even when it’s hard. But also recognize the power of words to heal or harm.

As we navigate a world often divided by differences, Wicked challenges us to rise above the narratives that confine us. Like Elphaba, we can dare to live authentically and love ourselves even if it feels like there are people in the world who don’t love us back.

What were your thoughts on Wicked? Which part of this essay resonated with you the most? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

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Wicked widely celebrates the themes of sisterhood, friendship, and connection–and well… I have some thoughts.

Scrolling through social media reveals how fragile friendships have become these days. One post mourns a friend who ghosted without explanation, while another shares the heartache of having to end a friendship. In an already disconnected world, changes in friendships can feel incredibly overwhelming and also depressing. First, the dating pool has piss in it; now friendships are in the sunken place. Are we doomed?

Despite isolation and loneliness on the rise, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo are modeling something different—their Wicked press tour has become a masterclass in deep intimacy and connection between friends.

They remind us that true friendship means having someone so in sync with you that they’ll hold your finger while you’re lost in deep emotions—even if they have no idea what’s going on.

As much as I am enjoying Ariana and Cynthia’s connection, I have many thoughts about Elphaba and Glinda, whose relationship is central to Wicked. Their friendship highlights why connection is a vital part of life. When we are connected to others through deep intimacy, we feel less alone and less stressed—literally.

Research shows that strong friendships are associated with lower levels of depression, greater self-esteem, and improved ability to handle stress. A study done by Julianne Holt-Lunstad reveals that loneliness has a mortality rate equivalent to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. This information tells us that connection and friendship are more important now than ever. We are decreasing our lifespans due to being disconnected and chronically alone.

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The Evolution & Maturation of Adult Friendships

Making friends as an adult can be hard. We're no longer on the playground, and there's no workplace equivalent to recess—which was crucial for childhood friendships. Life in America revolves around working harder (not smarter) to pay the bills. This leaves people burnt out with dysregulated nervous systems. We end up craving solitude over socializing because who has the energy for connection when it's easier to collapse on the couch and watch Netflix?

Despite our collective exhaustion, we all crave connection—no one wants to be lonely. While some of us are drained from the labor of corporate politics, others are emotionally and mentally depleted from constantly fighting against oppression, ridicule, and ostracism. I think about Elphaba and how exhausting it must be to have a script ready when introducing herself (“No, I'm not seasick; yes, I've always been green; no, I didn't eat grass as a child.") because someone is going to be baffled, confused, or disgusted by the fact that she’s green, even though she is still human, just like everyone else. I think about how exhaustion sometimes makes us seek comfort and how it makes us not care about who we get comfort from.

As much as I enjoyed watching Elphaba and Glinda's newfound friendship unfold beautifully, I couldn't help but wonder: Is this friendship the result of Elphaba being so starved for connection and external acceptance that she'd take it from anyone willing to give it? Is this a story about forgiveness? In real life, do people actually become best friends with their former bullies?

Elphaba and Glinda's friendship glow-up must be studied. At the beginning of the movie, I couldn't stand Glinda because she reminded me of the many entitled folks I encountered in life—the workplace, school, and neighborhoods. Then, all of a sudden, I was smiling at her and Elphaba's encounters and the evolution of their friendship. What kind of spell did this movie have me under?

The shift in their relational dynamic highlights the following concepts related to maturity, connection, and forgiveness:

• Forgiveness is a choice, and it's only a choice we as individuals must make for ourselves. It is not my job to understand whether Elphaba should forgive Glinda. Forgiveness is a personal choice just as much as it is a personal journey, and choosing forgiveness does not mean erasing or forgetting the past.

• Choosing not to forgive someone doesn’t mean you’re immature, but maturity often plays a role in why we can forgive. It is clear that life forced Elphaba to grow up and mature faster than her peers, and as a result, she has a level of wisdom and discernment others, including Glinda, don't possess, which leads to more compassion for others versus hate.

• Connection is a necessity for survival. It's possible Elphaba understands tribalism and knows that the merger of two opposing groups can lead to collective change and healing. We fight better together—not apart.

• Sometimes, the pain of exclusion makes us desperate for connection and attention. There is a possibility Elphaba hasn't actually forgiven Glinda, but finally being seen and embraced is a comforting balm to the spirit, and it can override our beliefs and values.

• Maturing means recognizing you are not the main character—a wake-up call for Glinda. When you are as self-absorbed and entitled as Glinda, you believe the world revolves around you, and sometimes it's the person you hate or envy [Elphaba] who will humble you back to reality and out of delusional thinking.

Despite Elphaba’s and Glinda’s differences and initial rivalry, their bond evolves into a profound connection that changes them both for the better. This storyline reminds us of the unique and vital role that friendship and sisterhood play in overcoming life’s obstacles.

Meaningful friendships contribute to our resilience. Social support describes the emotional, informational, and practical resources we gain through relationships. Whether biological or chosen, sisterhood creates a sense of belonging and safety that helps us navigate challenges.

Good vs. Bad: Who Gets to Define Us?

From the story's opening moments, Elphaba is branded the “Wicked Witch of the West.” But as we learn about her life, we realize that her so-called wickedness is nothing more than a refusal to conform or betray her values. This labeling says more about her detractors than about Elphaba herself.

This concept is called labeling theory, which suggests that assigning labels to people can significantly influence their self-concept and how others treat them. When someone is labeled as “difficult,” “selfish,” or “mean” simply for asserting boundaries, it often reflects the labeler’s discomfort rather than the labeled person’s actual behavior.

How many times have you been called selfish, mean, stuck up, a b*itch, and more for setting boundaries, communicating assertively, and living unapologetically as yourself? I'd be a millionaire if I had a dollar for the number of times I’ve been mislabeled.

Elphaba’s story is a powerful reminder to reject the harmful labels others impose on us. Standing up for ourselves and choosing authenticity can trigger resistance and rejection, but remaining true to ourselves is the ultimate win.

Have you ever been unfairly labeled because you chose yourself? What would it look like to shed those labels and embrace your full humanity?

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Sibling Dynamics: The Shadow and the Spotlight

As a sibling myself, I know what it feels like to experience sibling rivalry, vying for a parent's affection, and navigating the complexity that comes with one sibling being "day" and the other being "night." I believe one of the most poignant aspects of Elphaba's story is her relationship with her sister, Nessarose. From the beginning, Elphaba lives in the shadow of her sibling, receiving little love or attention from their family. To make matters worse, she internalizes guilt over Nessarose's disability, a tragedy that was entirely outside her control.

This dynamic reflects the complexity of sibling relationships, especially when favoritism is involved. Parents who overtly favor one child over another can create rifts between siblings that last a lifetime. The favored child may experience guilt or pressure to live up to expectations while the other child grapples with feelings of inadequacy and rejection.

To make matters worse, it is hard to witness your sibling remain silent while they watch you get bullied, ridiculed, and oppressed. When Nessarose fails to stand up for Elphaba during moments of ridicule, it made me wonder how that made Elphaba feel, knowing the amount of labor and energy she puts into protecting her sister, only not to receive the same level of support in return.

Family systems theory explains how each family member plays a role in maintaining the family’s dynamics. Elphaba’s role as the scapegoat and Nessarose’s role as the golden child are examples of how roles shape individual identities and relationships.

If you find yourself experiencing sibling rivalry, reflecting on your own family dynamics can provide insight into your self-perception and the patterns that influence your relationships today.

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The Takeaway: Breaking Free From the Narrative

Elphaba’s journey reflects the human condition: a deep yearning for connection, a struggle to define ourselves in the face of judgment, and the courage to rise above our circumstances.

I don’t know if I could see myself becoming friends with a “Glinda” in real life, but I can see many parts of myself in Elphaba. I admire how she learns to embrace her uniqueness, reject the need for approval, and forge her own path. Her journey challenges us to do the same.

As you reflect on the layers of Wicked, let it be a reminder to honor your connections, stand strong in your truth, and create your own narrative.

What themes from this piece resonated with you? Leave a comment and stay tuned for Friday’s email: Reflect & Release!

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After watching Nobody Wants This, I thought to myself, finally, a TV series highlighting the highs and lows of dating with a touch of emotional maturity, self-awareness, and intentional effort—without the drama or scandals we're used to seeing on our screens.

Thanks to social media, dating podcasts, and personal stories—both our own and those of friends—we're constantly exposed to others' romantic pursuits. These narratives often paint a bleak picture of the dating landscape, leading some to believe there's, as they say, "piss in the dating pool." With this mindset, few are eager to dive in when they're repeatedly told they must navigate pissy, murky waters to find what they're looking for.

Nobody Wants This on Netflix comes at the right time. It helps us challenge our pessimistic beliefs about finding love and exposes us to how emotional maturity, self-attunement, and intentional boundaries are vital in finding love that aligns with our values and life goals.

In the series, Kristen Bell plays Joanne, a podcast host who talks about all things sex and relationships, meets Noah, played by Adam Brody, who happens to be an unconventional rabbi. In the real world, you might think there's no way these two people have anything in common, but they do, actually, and that is they both have a desire to give love and be loved. As the series unfolds, they try to figure out if love is enough to merge their very different worlds.

Joanne and Noah show us that love is more than chemistry—it’s a conscious choice to show up, grow, and believe in the connection you’re building.

Here are my takeaways from Nobody Wants This on how self-awareness, boundaries, and intentionality can guide us toward healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Emotional Maturity in Dating: Knowing Yourself First

One of the biggest hurdles in dating is knowing what you want—not just for an ideal partner, but for yourself. Who you date can negatively impact your quality of life and mental health, so it is crucial to get clarity regarding your values, what you want in a partner, and the life you want to live with them. This requires self-attunement, which is our ability to connect with our emotional experiences. It’s the practice of checking in with our feelings, identifying needs, and understanding what drives our choices. When we’re attuned to our emotions, we gain clarity on what we want and don’t want in a relationship–which helps with identifying behaviors that are red flags or green flags.

When we lack self-attunement, we’re more likely to make decisions that go against our best interests or lead to patterns that don’t serve us and keep us on a cycle of self-sabotage. For example, we might find ourselves entertaining people who feel familiar, even if that familiarity is rooted in past pain or unresolved issues. Or we may ignore red flags, hoping things will improve because we’re so focused on our idea of love and being loved that we disregard all behaviors and patterns not rooted in love.

Another thing we might do is engage in something called delusional optimism. This occurs when we allow our fantasies to override reality because we've created an idealized story about a person in our head. We then wait for their actions to align with this imaginary version of them we've constructed in our mind. The problem is that this gets in the way of us believing people when they show us who they are. Remember this: people’s actions are real, not your fantasies about them.

To practice self-attunement, ask yourself questions like:

• What does a supportive relationship look like to me?

• Are there any behaviors I’m ignoring that make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe?

• What values are non-negotiable for me in a partner?

Reflecting on these can help you better understand what you’re looking for and make choices that align with your true self.

Setting Boundaries with Negative Voices

If you're anything like me, you probably rolled your eyes every time Joanne's sister, Morgan, criticized her newfound love for Noah. It became clear that Morgan preferred the old version of Joanne—the one stuck in unfulfilling, toxic relationships—because it provided content for their show. I also noticed a hint of envy in Morgan as she watched her sister find what she, herself, was seeking–partnership. Rather than supporting Joanne's relationship, Morgan projected her negative perceptions and experiences onto Joanne and Noah. You know the phrase "misery loves company"? Well, unfortunately, Morgan's reaction to Joanne's growth perfectly embodied those words.

Negative opinions, whether from friends or family members offering unsolicited (or even solicited) advice, can cloud our judgment, making it harder to connect with our feelings. Setting boundaries is essential in protecting our emotional peace and romantic relationships. This might mean gently letting someone know when their opinions or advice aren’t helpful or learning to filter out critical opinions that don’t serve us, especially if the source providing the opinion is jaded or biased.

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our emotional well-being. They help us preserve our self-esteem and our ability to choose partners that are right for us, not ones others think we “should” pursue. Clear boundaries also give us room to navigate dating on our terms, allowing us to make mistakes, learn, and grow.

Consider these phrases for maintaining boundaries:

• “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather keep this part of my life private.”

• “I’m focusing on finding what feels right for me right now, so I may not follow everyone’s advice.”

Remember, boundaries are there to ensure that your dating experiences are yours. Dating is a learning journey, and we must own that journey fully and use discernment when considering other people’s opinions about an experience that is not theirs.

Choosing the Right Partner for the Long Haul

What I loved about Nobody Wants This is how it emphasizes a crucial aspect of dating: finding a partner whose life goals, values, and purpose align with yours is essential for a fulfilling relationship. This idea introduces the concept of values alignment—a psychological principle suggesting that long-term compatibility is more likely when partners share similar beliefs, goals, and life outlooks. When values differ, it can lead to friction, particularly when facing major life decisions about family, finances, or lifestyle.

We see this dilemma unfold when Noah faces a life-altering decision: Will he choose love over his dream of being a rabbi? Ultimately, he does. How this will play out in season two remains a mystery. Will Noah harbor regrets? Can he find peace with his choice? What lies ahead for him in the wake of this decision? I'm eagerly anticipating the answers to these questions as the story continues to unfold.

What I know to be true is that choosing the right partner requires time to understand what you're seeking and the future you envision for yourself and your partner. Although chemistry is important, love truly deepens when partners share a life vision and actively support each other's aspirations. It's about finding someone who aligns with your dreams and is committed to mutual growth.

Ask yourself:

• Does this person support my dreams and goals?

• Are we aligned on key values like family, career, religion, or lifestyle?

• Does this relationship allow me to be my authentic self?

Love Is a Verb: Trust Actions, Not Just Words

A vital aspect of dating is recognizing that love is not just about how someone makes us feel; it’s about how they show up and act, hence the phrase, love is a verb, meaning it isn’t just a feeling; it’s an action we choose every day. In relationships, actions reveal more than words ever could. It’s easy to say, “I care about you,” but real commitment is demonstrated through behaviors that show respect, consistency, effort, and a willingness to work through challenges together.

If you find yourself unsure about someone's intentions, observe their actions over time. Don't get caught up in empty words; make sure you're seeing things with eyes wide open, and pay attention to a person's behavior. Are they showing genuine interest? Are they consistent? Do they respect and honor your boundaries? Remember, words can be deceiving, and when we're not self-attuned, we may fall under the spell that words can create instead of focusing on actions.

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The Takeaway: The Power of Emotional Maturity in Dating

Emotional maturity in dating requires self-reflection, intentional boundaries, and a commitment to finding someone who aligns with your values and long-term goals. Nobody Wants This shines a light on the importance of going beyond attraction and chemistry, encouraging us to seek the kind of connection that helps us evolve as individuals.

As you navigate the dating world, remember these key takeaways:

• Practice self-attunement: Know yourself, your values, and your needs so you can make choices that align with who you are and what you truly want.

• Set boundaries: Protect your emotional peace, especially from voices that might bring negativity or confusion.

• Look for alignment: Choose a partner who shares your values and vision for the future.

• Trust actions over words: Let love be a verb, trusting in consistent, loving actions over empty promises.

If you think there’s piss in the dating pool, all you need to do is find another pool to swim in. Stop believing that healthy love does not exist because you keep coming across rants on social media about someone’s first-date horror story, and stop making assumptions about all dating prospects just because you, too, have had a few unhealthy experiences. If you are willing to engage in relational building, you will see that dating is more than a search for a partner; it’s a journey of self-discovery, maturing, and growth.

As you continue to reflect on your relationships, may you find the clarity, confidence, and connection Joanne and Noah found.

What are your thoughts on Nobody Wants This? What themes from this piece resonated with you the most?

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While scrolling on Threads, I noticed the buzz surrounding the Martha Stewart documentary and couldn't resist tuning in. After watching it, I understood why the newly labeled Martha "The Savage" Stewart had people riled up with commentary for days.

Growing up in the '90s, I watched both "Martha Stewart Living" and "The Martha Stewart Show." For some reason, this lady had me in a chokehold—I admired her ability to do it all, and maybe it's because she reminded me of my mother. My mom, too, had hands so ambidextrous that anything she touched turned into art. My mother baked everything from tiered cakes to bread and spent her weekends sewing curtains instead of buying them from Kmart like regular people. I admired Martha because I saw aspects of her manifested in my home. After watching the documentary, I realized she's more than just a homemaker. Beneath her success, I saw both pain and grit.

The Martha documentary gives us an unfiltered glimpse into Martha Stewart’s life—her triumphs, challenges, and sheer determination that propelled her into cultural icon status. But as much as it celebrates her accomplishments, it also sheds light on how society judges assertive women, especially those who don’t conform to the mold of “likable” personalities. Martha’s story is a masterclass in grit, self-efficacy, and the courage to thrive in the world of business that hasn’t always made room for women to succeed.

Is There a Double Standard of Likability, or Is Martha Just Outright Mean?

One of the most talked-about aspects of the documentary is Martha’s demeanor. She’s been called “cold,” “rude,” and “brash,” and though I do believe brutal honesty is not constructive nor kind, I feel like it’s a bit of a lazy take to slap these labels on her because of her assertiveness. Here are a few reasons why:

1. These criticisms raise a more significant societal issue: women are often expected to be agreeable, nurturing, and “nice” to be considered likable. Assertiveness, a trait celebrated in men, is frequently labeled as arrogance or harshness in women.

2. We live in a very passive society. Most people, especially women, have been groomed to be people-pleasers from a young age. When I work with clients on developing assertiveness skills, I deconstruct not only the rules and culture of their nuclear or blended family but also societal expectations and views. We live in a world where people are still arguing on Threads about whether it's acceptable to recline your seat on an airplane. People are having these conversations, and then they wonder why personalities like Martha's are necessary for navigating an entitled world where people would be "outraged" by you utilizing a function you paid for on a plane. I wish more women walked around with less fear and more peace regarding their wants and feelings. Some people are going to therapy right now to learn a skill Martha appears to innately possess–assertiveness. Martha is not for everyone—she's for those who can appreciate her directness and bold attitude.

3. The documentary delves into Martha’s upbringing to help us understand her personality, offering crucial context for her demeanor and refusal to mince words. Martha reveals how challenging it was to access her nurturing side after giving birth to her daughter. With an emotionally absent mother and a reportedly harsh father—who even slapped her across the face for marrying a Jewish man—it's understandable that Martha developed a tough exterior. This most likely impacted not just her approach to motherhood but also her relationship-building skills. In psychology, we recognize this as adaptive behavior—coping mechanisms we develop in response to our environments.

Martha's directness and assertiveness likely stem from a need to navigate challenging relationships in her formative years. Some might attribute these traits to her being a Leo, but I'll leave that to the astrology enthusiasts. Regardless, while these characteristics may ruffle feathers, they also reflect resilience and clarity in a world that didn't offer her much softness.

The Weight of People-Pleasing

Martha's refusal to conform to likability norms challenges a culture steeped in people-pleasing. For the sake of survival, many of us learned to prioritize others' comfort over our own. But who ends up miserable, unhappy, and mentally drained as a result? I think we all know the answer.

People-pleasing is a psychological behavior rooted in the need for love, acceptance, safety, and belonging, but it often comes at the expense of authenticity and personal boundaries. Research shows that it can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of identity.

Many people, especially women, feel pressured to dim their assertiveness for fear of being labeled “difficult” or “too much.” However, Martha seems like she has always been clear about her priorities, even at the risk of being labeled as difficult. Her unapologetic nature teaches us an important lesson: you can’t please everyone, and trying to do so can dilute your sense of self. Instead of worrying about being liked, focus on being respected. Respect is built through integrity, consistency, and a willingness to be honest, even when the truth is uncomfortable.

Grit and Self-Determination: Rising Above Adversity

Martha’s life is also a testament to grit—the passion and perseverance to achieve long-term goals despite challenges. Angela Duckworth, a psychologist known for her work on grit, highlights that it’s not talent but tenacity that drives success. Martha’s grit is evident in her ability to build an empire, face public scrutiny, and rebound after a five-month prison sentence.

Her time in prison could have broken her spirit, but instead, Martha demonstrated post-traumatic growth—the ability to find meaning and growth through adversity. Life can be harsh, brutal, and uncompassionate at times, and while I wish hardship didn't exist, we must face reality and understand that resilience is essential for personal growth. Feeling angry, complaining, and questioning why injustices or hardships occur is a natural part of the human experience. However, sitting in sadness and rage is not the same as channeling these emotions to help us grow. We must choose to take action, overcome obstacles, and persevere through life's challenges if we want to heal and grow.

Martha made that choice. She chose to do something different to thrive rather than just survive, and that in itself is a lesson in resilience, self-awareness, and belief in oneself.

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Embracing the Multi-hyphenate Life: Giving Yourself Permission to Pursue Many Passions

What I admire the most about Martha Stewart’s journey is her refusal to confine herself to a single identity or career path. She has worn many hats—cook, baker, gardener, seamstress, business mogul, TV personality, and more. Martha’s life serves as a powerful reminder that we don’t have to fit into one box or limit ourselves to one passion.

In a world that often pressures us to "pick a lane" to succeed, Martha embodies the beauty of living a multi-hyphenate life. She pursued whatever sparked her curiosity, allowing her talents to evolve organically. This approach not only enriched her career but also enabled her to connect with a broad audience by showcasing the many facets of her personality. Who would've thought a woman in her seventies could captivate Gen Z, co-host a show with Snoop Dogg, roast Justin Bieber, and flaunt her sexy side on the cover of Sports Illustrated? If someone had told me back in the 90s that Martha would evolve to be doing half of what she did, I wouldn’t have believed the woman I saw cooking turkeys on TV in cashmere sweaters would be such a culture icon in so many spaces.

From a psychological perspective, engaging in multiple passions can actually enhance well-being. The concept of self-expansion suggests that people thrive by actively seeking new experiences, skills, and hobbies that expand their sense of self. Pursuing diverse interests isn’t just fulfilling—it’s also a way to build resilience and adaptability by learning to navigate different challenges and opportunities.

We are not meant to live life in just one way. Let this serve as a reminder that healing is exploratory. We heal when we give ourselves permission to see, smell, touch, taste, and explore many things.

Moving Forward: Lessons for Your Own Growth

Martha Stewart's story highlights many aspects of life that help us evolve and grow. It also reminds us that we're human first—despite "doing it all" and "having it all," we still feel things deeply. There's no running away from our emotions. However, while we can't erase challenging experiences, we can overcome them. This journey of resilience and growth is at the heart of Martha's narrative.

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As you navigate your own healing journey, here are some takeaways to reflect on in your own life:

• Embrace your assertiveness. Being direct doesn’t make you rude; it makes you clear and confident.

• Redefine failure. View setbacks as opportunities to grow rather than as the end of the road.

• Cultivate grit. Stay committed to your long-term goals, even when progress feels slow or challenging.

• Be okay with being unliked. Authenticity often comes at the cost of approval, but staying true to yourself is always worth it.

• Success isn’t one-dimensional. You can be a gardener and a business mogul, a baker and a seamstress. Embracing your full range of interests adds depth and richness to your life.

Growth is a neverending journey. Don’t be afraid to use these tips to work toward being the person you want to be.

What were your thoughts on the Martha documentary? What parts of this essay resonated with you the most?

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