Lessons From Martha: Grit, Growth & Owning Who You Are
Inspired by Martha
While scrolling on Threads, I noticed the buzz surrounding the Martha Stewart documentary and couldn't resist tuning in. After watching it, I understood why the newly labeled Martha "The Savage" Stewart had people riled up with commentary for days.
Growing up in the '90s, I watched both "Martha Stewart Living" and "The Martha Stewart Show." For some reason, this lady had me in a chokehold—I admired her ability to do it all, and maybe it's because she reminded me of my mother. My mom, too, had hands so ambidextrous that anything she touched turned into art. My mother baked everything from tiered cakes to bread and spent her weekends sewing curtains instead of buying them from Kmart like regular people. I admired Martha because I saw aspects of her manifested in my home. After watching the documentary, I realized she's more than just a homemaker. Beneath her success, I saw both pain and grit.
The Martha documentary gives us an unfiltered glimpse into Martha Stewart’s life—her triumphs, challenges, and sheer determination that propelled her into cultural icon status. But as much as it celebrates her accomplishments, it also sheds light on how society judges assertive women, especially those who don’t conform to the mold of “likable” personalities. Martha’s story is a masterclass in grit, self-efficacy, and the courage to thrive in the world of business that hasn’t always made room for women to succeed.
Is There a Double Standard of Likability, or Is Martha Just Outright Mean?
One of the most talked-about aspects of the documentary is Martha’s demeanor. She’s been called “cold,” “rude,” and “brash,” and though I do believe brutal honesty is not constructive nor kind, I feel like it’s a bit of a lazy take to slap these labels on her because of her assertiveness. Here are a few reasons why:
These criticisms raise a more significant societal issue: women are often expected to be agreeable, nurturing, and “nice” to be considered likable. Assertiveness, a trait celebrated in men, is frequently labeled as arrogance or harshness in women.
We live in a very passive society. Most people, especially women, have been groomed to be people-pleasers from a young age. When I work with clients on developing assertiveness skills, I deconstruct not only the rules and culture of their nuclear or blended family but also societal expectations and views. We live in a world where people are still arguing on Threads about whether it's acceptable to recline your seat on an airplane. People are having these conversations, and then they wonder why personalities like Martha's are necessary for navigating an entitled world where people would be "outraged" by you utilizing a function you paid for on a plane. I wish more women walked around with less fear and more peace regarding their wants and feelings. Some people are going to therapy right now to learn a skill Martha appears to innately possess–assertiveness. Martha is not for everyone—she's for those who can appreciate her directness and bold attitude.
The documentary delves into Martha’s upbringing to help us understand her personality, offering crucial context for her demeanor and refusal to mince words. Martha reveals how challenging it was to access her nurturing side after giving birth to her daughter. With an emotionally absent mother and a reportedly harsh father—who even slapped her across the face for marrying a Jewish man—it's understandable that Martha developed a tough exterior. This most likely impacted not just her approach to motherhood but also her relationship-building skills. In psychology, we recognize this as adaptive behavior—coping mechanisms we develop in response to our environments.
Martha's directness and assertiveness likely stem from a need to navigate challenging relationships in her formative years. Some might attribute these traits to her being a Leo, but I'll leave that to the astrology enthusiasts. Regardless, while these characteristics may ruffle feathers, they also reflect resilience and clarity in a world that didn't offer her much softness.
The Weight of People-Pleasing
Martha's refusal to conform to likability norms challenges a culture steeped in people-pleasing. For the sake of survival, many of us learned to prioritize others' comfort over our own. But who ends up miserable, unhappy, and mentally drained as a result? I think we all know the answer.
People-pleasing is a psychological behavior rooted in the need for love, acceptance, safety, and belonging, but it often comes at the expense of authenticity and personal boundaries. Research shows that it can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of identity.
Many people, especially women, feel pressured to dim their assertiveness for fear of being labeled “difficult” or “too much.” However, Martha seems like she has always been clear about her priorities, even at the risk of being labeled as difficult. Her unapologetic nature teaches us an important lesson: you can’t please everyone, and trying to do so can dilute your sense of self. Instead of worrying about being liked, focus on being respected. Respect is built through integrity, consistency, and a willingness to be honest, even when the truth is uncomfortable.
Grit and Self-Determination: Rising Above Adversity
Martha’s life is also a testament to grit—the passion and perseverance to achieve long-term goals despite challenges. Angela Duckworth, a psychologist known for her work on grit, highlights that it’s not talent but tenacity that drives success. Martha’s grit is evident in her ability to build an empire, face public scrutiny, and rebound after a five-month prison sentence.
Her time in prison could have broken her spirit, but instead, Martha demonstrated post-traumatic growth—the ability to find meaning and growth through adversity. Life can be harsh, brutal, and uncompassionate at times, and while I wish hardship didn't exist, we must face reality and understand that resilience is essential for personal growth. Feeling angry, complaining, and questioning why injustices or hardships occur is a natural part of the human experience. However, sitting in sadness and rage is not the same as channeling these emotions to help us grow. We must choose to take action, overcome obstacles, and persevere through life's challenges if we want to heal and grow.
Martha made that choice. She chose to do something different to thrive rather than just survive, and that in itself is a lesson in resilience, self-awareness, and belief in oneself.
Embracing the Multi-hyphenate Life: Giving Yourself Permission to Pursue Many Passions
What I admire the most about Martha Stewart’s journey is her refusal to confine herself to a single identity or career path. She has worn many hats—cook, baker, gardener, seamstress, business mogul, TV personality, and more. Martha’s life serves as a powerful reminder that we don’t have to fit into one box or limit ourselves to one passion.
In a world that often pressures us to "pick a lane" to succeed, Martha embodies the beauty of living a multi-hyphenate life. She pursued whatever sparked her curiosity, allowing her talents to evolve organically. This approach not only enriched her career but also enabled her to connect with a broad audience by showcasing the many facets of her personality. Who would've thought a woman in her seventies could captivate Gen Z, co-host a show with Snoop Dogg, roast Justin Bieber, and flaunt her sexy side on the cover of Sports Illustrated? If someone had told me back in the 90s that Martha would evolve to be doing half of what she did, I wouldn’t have believed the woman I saw cooking turkeys on TV in cashmere sweaters would be such a culture icon in so many spaces.
From a psychological perspective, engaging in multiple passions can actually enhance well-being. The concept of self-expansion suggests that people thrive by actively seeking new experiences, skills, and hobbies that expand their sense of self. Pursuing diverse interests isn’t just fulfilling—it’s also a way to build resilience and adaptability by learning to navigate different challenges and opportunities.
We are not meant to live life in just one way. Let this serve as a reminder that healing is exploratory. We heal when we give ourselves permission to see, smell, touch, taste, and explore many things.
Moving Forward: Lessons for Your Own Growth
Martha Stewart's story highlights many aspects of life that help us evolve and grow. It also reminds us that we're human first—despite "doing it all" and "having it all," we still feel things deeply. There's no running away from our emotions. However, while we can't erase challenging experiences, we can overcome them. This journey of resilience and growth is at the heart of Martha's narrative.
As you navigate your own healing journey, here are some takeaways to reflect on in your own life:
Embrace your assertiveness. Being direct doesn’t make you rude; it makes you clear and confident.
Redefine failure. View setbacks as opportunities to grow rather than as the end of the road.
Cultivate grit. Stay committed to your long-term goals, even when progress feels slow or challenging.
Be okay with being unliked. Authenticity often comes at the cost of approval, but staying true to yourself is always worth it.
Success isn’t one-dimensional. You can be a gardener and a business mogul, a baker and a seamstress. Embracing your full range of interests adds depth and richness to your life.
Growth is a neverending journey. Don’t be afraid to use these tips to work toward being the person you want to be.
What were your thoughts on the Martha documentary? What parts of this essay resonated with you the most?