Rest, But Make It Romantic

Embrace the soft life as more than just an aesthetic

Welcome to Maturing—part personal reflection, part advice column on navigating emotional growth, self-discovery, and all the awkward, messy, and uncomfortable moments that come with healing.

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Over the last year, there has been a rise in living the "soft life"—a life of ease, rest, self-care, and self-nourishment. Soft living isn't just a trend or a catchy hashtag; it's our natural state of being. Humans aren't wired to be machines that relentlessly engage in productivity and hustle culture. We need periods of self-attunement and rest for our mind, body, and spirit. Our survival depends on downtime, rejuvenation, and peace—because that's what our nervous system requires.

In a hard world, our nervous system¹ serves as a sacred reminder that we still crave, desire, and deserve softness. While the duality of hard and soft may seem paradoxical, living softly in a world full of pain is possible. We are, after all, resilient beings capable of flowing between states of rest and resistance.

Many of us, however, still struggle with taking breaks, even when we know we need them—and deserve them. But what if we reclaimed the meaning of rest? What if, instead of seeing rest as laziness or something to earn, we treated it as an art form—one worth romanticizing, even in its most mundane forms?

The Psychology of Guilt-Free Rest

Meryl Streep drinking a martini and not giving two f*cks

Psychologically, our difficulty with rest is tied to cognitive distortions²—specifically, all-or-nothing thinking and should statements. Many of us believe that rest must be “earned” or that it’s only valid if it’s tied to productivity (i.e., resting is only valuable if it can make you money). Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, author of Sacred Rest, outlines seven types of rest beyond physical: sensory, creative, emotional, social, spiritual, mental, and physical. When we ignore these needs, we experience burnout, even when we think we're “resting.”

Romanticizing rest isn't about performance; it's about intention. It’s about recognizing that slowing down is productive because it allows your nervous system to reset. The parasympathetic nervous system (our “rest and digest” mode) needs activation just as much as our sympathetic nervous system (our “fight or flight” mode). Yet, we rarely let ourselves dwell in stillness without feeling the itch to do something.

Ask yourself this: Outside of physical rest, what am I doing to prioritize the other forms of rest my body may need—sensory, creative, emotional, social, spiritual, and mental?

Rest and Trauma

As a first-generation Panamanian, I rarely saw my parents rest during my childhood. My mother worked two jobs most of the time, while my father would wake up at 4 a.m. every morning to head to work. As soon as he returned home, he would go straight to the kitchen to labor in love, cooking and feeding his family every day.

Intergenerational trauma³, especially for Black people and people of color, can significantly impact how we experience rest and soft living. Intergenerational trauma refers to the psychological and emotional wounds passed down through generations, often stemming from historical experiences of oppression, discrimination, and survival-based behaviors. This inherited trauma can manifest as difficulty allowing ourselves to rest, as many of us carry the weight of our ancestors' struggles and their ingrained belief that constant work equals survival.

Romanticizing rest is how we break the cycles of trauma. When I'm enjoying a slice of peanut butter toast with a cup of tea at six p.m. on a Tuesday, like a true Panamanian, I'm not just resting—I'm actively pushing back against Americanized concepts of productivity. When I'm exhausted after a long day and want to feel a little bougie, I sip lemonade from a wine glass while Beyoncé's "I'm That Girl" plays in my head, pretending I'm on the Amalfi Coast—even though I'm just lying on my couch. The cycle of endless doing and grinding ends with me. The negative ideologies about rest and relaxation end with me. I'm breaking the cycle.

Consider what messages you want to pass down to the children in your life—whether they're biologically yours or not. Do you want them to believe rest is an act of laziness? Or do you want them to model your behavior and see that rest is a necessity for living? Rest is like water for the mind, body, and spirit. Just as we struggle to survive when dehydrated, our whole being becomes depleted and malnourished when we lack rest.

Reflect: How can you become a cycle breaker by romanticizing rest?

Romanticizing Rest Without the Guilt

So how do we romanticize rest in a way that feels real?

• Reclaim the mundane. Make a simple moment luxurious by adding a small pleasure—burning a candle while you journal, drinking lemonade from a wine glass, playing soft jazz while you do absolutely nothing.

• Adopt a “slow living” mindset. Not every moment needs to be optimized. Give yourself permission to do things at a slower pace–because think about it, what the hell are you in a rush for anyway?

• Reframe guilt. Instead of thinking, “I should be doing something right now,” try, “I am tired and my body deserves this moment to rest.”

• Make rest a ritual. Rituals provide structure, which helps us feel less guilty about resting. Whether it’s a weekly reset day, a nightly skincare routine, or an afternoon cup of tea with a slice of peanut butter toast, framing rest as intentional makes it easier to accept.

Writing Prompt: How can I romanticize rest without guilt?

We’ve been conditioned to believe rest is something we must earn, but it’s actually something we require. This week, I encourage you to reflect: What are the small ways you can make rest feel luxurious for you—without pressure, without performance, and most importantly, without guilt?

Maturing is realizing that resting isn't just a break from life. It is life.

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1. “The nervous system is the major controlling, regulatory, and communicating system in the body.”

2. Cognitive distortions are thinking errors or irrational thoughts that are not rooted in fact and negatively impact emotion and behavior.

3. Intergenerational trauma refers to the psychological and emotional wounds passed down through generations, often stemming from historical experiences of oppression, discrimination, and survival-based behaviors.